


The Inquisitor's Secret

by Louhow



Series: Dragon Age Inquisition [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, BioWare, Book: Dragon Age - Asunder, Circle of Magi, F/M, Gen, Slow Burn, The Fade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louhow/pseuds/Louhow
Summary: This follows the Inquisitor from her years at the circle, what she did during and after the book Asunder, and up til The Abyss.  Andriya Trevelyan has a secret that haunts her every action. As she is thrust into a leadership role, her secrets start to come to light. She has to decide if she will let her past define her or if she can overcome her shame.
Relationships: Blackwall | Thom Rainier/Female Inquisitor, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Series: Dragon Age Inquisition [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727371
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Ostwick

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work in progress. I have sections complete but not in order. So it will likely have chapters posted all at once, and then days will go by without an update. I will try and get this organized as much as possible before I post. The beginning is definitely a slow burn with implications. Further into the story I will start going into the deep darker stuff. I marked it as mature and non-consent now because that will happen in the future. I also haven't decided how into detail I want to go for the mature stuff.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Andriya Trevelyan while she is still in the circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, finally I am posting the first chapter...first. So this all takes place before DAI, and all the way tell Here Lies the Abyss. I just like the idea of the Inquisitor having issues.

The smoke swirled menacingly beneath the door as Andriya took a step away from the laboratory. It snaked near her feet before it slithered back behind the frame. In her mind the door seemed to glow as it held back the fire. She couldn’t hear anything, all of her senses seemed to be empty. Andy wasn’t sure what to do now. She thought she could hear someone say her name but her mind was too busy to comprehend it.   
What had she done?  
“Trevelyan!” The voice cut clear, she jumped back as the face of the templar finally came into focus.   
The older man searched her for a moment, his blue eyes hunted for answers in hers, “Are you alright?”  
Andy looked passed him, he had to be able to smell the smoke, she couldn’t lie for much longer. Everything had to be destroyed, she had to make sure. She closed her eyes and felt her mouth move but she wasn’t sure she spoke.   
“Is that...smoke?” he asked, he turned his attention to the lab door. Andy watched silently as the second templar approached the door. She should warn him. She was supposed to tell him. She just needed time, just a little more time.   
“Fire.” She whispered as she watched the templar reach for the door. He wouldn’t be able to feel the heat through his armor. It was as if time slowed, the other templar turned to watch his partner, he opened his mouth to stop him, but the younger man, he pulled the door open.   
It was smoke and shadows, before she and the templar was pushed back from the gust of air, the flames licked her side and her face. She could smell her hair on fire and copper. All of her senses came back to her at once, she could hear the templar scream as he tried to pull of his half melted helmet, the flames roared from the room, boots thundered past her as more templars rushed to help. Andy reached for the fallen templar and pulled him away from the flames as his face melted around him. He only whimpered now, shock silencing him before death.   
Andy looked up as the templars barked orders at one another, it was strange to see such mass chaos from the men and women who were supposed to exert absolute control over the mages.   
“Andriya!” someone shouted at her, the first enchanter appeared, she pulled Andy aside as mages joined the templars in drowning the flames, “What happened?”  
Andy felt her head shake, “I don’t know.”  
“Was there anyone in there?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Think Andriya!” Lydia snarled, “What happened in there? How did this start?”  
Andy stared into the pale eyes of the powerful mage, “I don’t know,” she lied.  
For a moment, Andy wondered if her lie failed, a look of absolute rage crossed Lydia’s face, she looked back to the fire and to Andy before pushing the young woman away to help the templars. Andy fell into the stone wall, she sunk to the ground, the young templar had died, she stared at his charred face and melted torso. Everything had fallen apart. 

It took Andy days before she went back into the ruined lab. The templars and several professors had gone through the room, but nothing was salvageable. All of Enchanter Edward’s research was lost. There had been someone in there, a tranquil, Andy had cried more at his service than at the templar’s. Both Redrick and Lydia had marked Andy’s reactions as shock, and hadn’t questioned her further about the fire.   
Andy stood in the blackened room, she could visualize everything where it was supposed to be. The desk, where her notes had been, was nothing more than charred wood. The chestplate that was on a mannequin, was crumpled metal, a remelted pile of ore that was worth nothing now. She had told Lydia that she had spent the day layering spells into the armor, and had left. She returned after dinner to find smoke under the door. That’s when the templar had opened it. For now, that seemed to appease everyone.   
“Apprentice?” a voice asked from the hall. Andy looked up, she wiped the tears from her cheeks before she met Enchanter Edward’s eyes.   
“Professor?” She forced herself to say.  
Edward rubbed his bald head as he stepped into the room, “It’s all gone, isn’t it?” He said to her as well as himself, “All of our research.”   
Andy didn’t trust herself to speak, so she nodded. Edward elven eyes watched her carefully, “Did nothing survive? Even a doodle?”  
Andy swallowed hard, “All of it.” It hurt her throat to admit it, “We have nothing.”   
Edward sighed and kicked at a scrap of debris, “So we start over. From the beginning.”  
“No!” Andy snapped. She blinked at the harshness in her voice, “No,” she repeated softer, “I can’t.”  
“We can’t give up apprentice. This is a small hiccup. We can overcome. And when we reach this point again...we can avoid this. It’s not over.”   
“It is!” Andy turned to her professor aware of the tears on her face, “The magic of the golems is lost. Forever! Two people are dead because of this!”  
“It was an accident!” Edward stepped closer to her, “It was a horrible accident. And we will never allow it to happen again. We will add safe guards, we will be careful. Remember our goal, Andriya; we remake the golems, the dwarves defeat the darkspawn, and we end all blights.” Edward gave a small smile, “We’re not even wardens but we will be remembered as such.”  
Andy looked down at him and shook her head, “I have enough blood on my hands.” She finally said, “I won’t add anyone else to the fire.”   
She turned from the lab and walked away, she would do everything she could to forget this.   
“You are a coward to give up!”   
His voice stopped Andy in her tracks, she turned back to her professor, they studied each other for a moment as he gracefully stepped around the debris and up to her, “We are mages, Andy.” His eyes burned with passion, “We are not wild dogs to be set loose during war and rechained when the battle is over. We can prove to all of Thedas, we are heroes.”   
“I am not a hero.” Andy said, she could not stop the shudder in her voice.


	2. The Harrowing (Six Years Later)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. We get a full introduction to Ostwick Circle and Andriya. Ostwick circle has recovered from the fire and Andy has found her groove, but doubts start to fill her mind about if she is worthy of who she is.

The sun burned the back of Andy’s neck as she sat and waited for Rhonda so they could spar. Andy had been relieved when she agreed; their fight in the library had been the worst fight they had ever had. The three days of hostel energy had crushed Andy’s heart, but when she had finally swallowed enough pride to ask it seemed all was forgiven. The fight was a repeated one. Andy had hoped the fire all those years ago would stop all research into golems, but she had been wrong. Her best friend now worked with Enchanter Edward. Andy had begged Rhonda to stop her research but her friend had ignored it. It was now a topic they both avoided all together.

The day was already hotter than predicted which would make sparing unpleasant. Andy sighed, stood and stretched, watched the two templars work on their shield techniques. She looked around the training ground, there was a chance that Rhonda was waiting for her somewhere else. Andy walked around the edge of the grounds, looked through the yard and then slowly made her way back to the tower, her eyes on the hunt for the familiar curly blonde hair.

“Hey Andriya, how was sparing?” Diana acknowledged outside the Circle gates. She was dressed similar to Andy; wrapped hands and feet, with leathers instead of robes. Diana’s waving hair was tied back in a tight tail, her normal eye makeup cleaned off.

“No good,” Andy answered, “Have you seen Rhonda?”

Diana tilted her head in thought, “Not that I remember. I can spar with you, if you like?”

Andy frowned and studied her for a second, “You’re not going to use your Spirit Sword again, are you?”

Diana laughed, it was unfair that even without all her make-up she was still so beautiful, “I promise to only use it if I need it.”

Andy glanced back in the hallway, hoping Rhonda would show and rescue her from the beating she was about to receive, “Alright, maybe she will show up late.”

Diana nodded her head in agreement, a smirk on her lips, “You just don’t want to get your ass kicked.”

“Well, yeah.”

Andy did get her ass kicked. She finally tapped out after an hour of straight sparing. She was bruised, dirty, and bleeding because she had head butted Diana. Andy had landed a few good shots at Diana, who had a cut lip, and a faint layer of sweat but otherwise looked unharmed.

“Diana, you promised.” Andy sniffed, trying to slow the bleeding enough to heal her nose.

“I promised to only use it if I needed it. I needed it.”

“You did not.” Andy growled then pinched the bridge of her nose to ease the blood-flow.

Diana shrugged, but the smirk on her face said otherwise. Andy shook her head, stopping in her tracks and set her will to her face, trying to heal the damage.

“Andy,” sighed Diana, “someone is going to sense that.”

“Who’s using magic here! Apostate! Apostate!” Victor called from behind them. He laughed, his armor dusty from the grounds as well. Andy smiled and hid her sigh. Diana fought back a smile, as they both turned to greet him.

Andy hated watching how they spoke to each other with just their eyes, it was a reminder that she had no one to share those looks with. Jealousy tugged at her heart as Victor resisted wrapping his arms around Diana, or how Diana would start to lean in for a kiss. Their relationship was a well known secret to the Circle, but no one put a stop to it. It would probably just feed the fire anyways.

“Well,” Andy coughed, “I’m going to go get cleaned up.”

“I should too,” Diana whispered but she didn’t move. Andy turned and shook her head as she walked away.

Andy sighed and cleared her mind of the jealousy she felt over the two of them. Anyways, now that she was alone, Andy was very aware that Rhonda had never shown up at the training grounds. Maybe she was sick? Or maybe she was studying in the library? Andy often lost track of time during her research. But Rhonda was never one to study a minute longer than she had to. Andy hesitated for a moment, and then went into the dining hall. There were a few students in the middle of their studies, and only a couple of templars with watchful eyes, but still no Rhonda.

Andy soon forgot what a mess she looked as she swept through the library and peeked her head into each private study room. By the time she reached the dorms, she was completely at a loss where Rhonda might have gone. Rhonda’s bed was made, a tranquil had come through and cleaned the rooms while she was training. Andy looked around feeling like she was intruding but quickly searched along Rhonda’s mattress and along the planks looking for a note or anything that might hint at what she was up to. There was nothing, and nothing around Andy’s bunk either.

Andy reached over and shook Carmen who was muttering incantations to herself, “Have you seen Rhonda?”

Carmen shook her head still muttering to herself, “Okay, did you see who made our beds?”

“Greta, Andy, I have Windsor this afternoon…”

Andy winced, “Sorry, thanks though.” She gathered up her clothes to bath and prepare for class. Rhonda had potions while Andy was in Fade Theory, she would have to run if she wanted to catch her before class.

“What happened to your face?” Carmen called at her, she must have given up on the memorization.

“Diana,” Andy answered, how many people would be asking her that question.

Andy had hoped to catch Rhonda before Potions, but after showering and making herself presentable, she was already out of time. Fade Theory was a challenging enough without Andy worrying about Rhonda, and soon she was so focused on her studies that she didn’t realize she was still in lecture even though most of the apprentices had left. Enchanter Carol looked mildly annoyed but always pleased that Andy had so many questions.

“Andriya, have you read The Deepest Fade by Grand Enchanter Hardouin?” Andy shook her head and Carol continued, “I think that he will answer a few questions that you have and perhaps another way of thinking.”

“Thank you, Enchanter.”

“You’re welcome, apprentice.”

Andy gathered her things and made her way to the door, “Oh Enchanter Carol? Was Rhonda in class yesterday?”

Enchanter Carol looked hard at Andy for a moment, she couldn’t tell if she was confused or trying to remember, maybe both. “No, I’m afraid not.”

Andy nodded and left. The location of her missing friend was growing smaller and smaller by the hour. When did Andy last see her? Andy paused in the hallway, leaning against the cool stone wall, letting a doubt sink into her chest. Even though Andy had thought Rhonda had forgiven her for the fight, there was a chance she hadn't and had gone through with the research anyways. Andy replayed the argument in her mind.

_"I can't seem to layer the spell any deeper." Rhonda had said, "How did you do it?"_

_"I didn't," Andy wished she could harden her voice so Rhonda would stop with the questions, "I burned down the lab."_

_Rhonda had rolled her eyes, "I don't know, I was thinking of actually like...hammering it in."_

_Andy's eyes got wide, "No." she commanded, "It can't be done. Don't even waste your time."_

_"Well then, help me Andy!" Rhonda threw her arms up in the air, "You haven't forgotten anything, I know it."_

_Andy had stood up, "I have. And it would be best for you to forget it as well."_

_Andy had started to leave the library when Rhonda called out to her, "You know, the rest of us have gotten over the fire. We've gotten over the fact that we're mages. Maybe you should stop hiding and start helping. That's what friends do, Andy."_

_Andy had spun in the walk way and marched back to Rhonda, "That fire saved my life." she growled softly, "I would have become as obsessed and useless as you otherwise."_

_Rhonda stood up as well, "I'm going to make a golem, end the blights. What are you going to do with your life? I'm going to do it. I will figure it out myself."_

_Andy grabbed Rhonda's hand before she could leave, "If you do this Rhonda," she had to warn her, "You're walking a path that you cannot escape."_

_"I'm not trying to escape." snarled Rhonda as she tore her hand away, "I'm trying to matter."_

Rhonda had been right about so many things, but Andy couldn't risk the truth. They were friends, but even friends lied sometimes, and this was dangerous. If Rhonda did in fact go further than Andy had with the research. An image of her notes crossed her mind, the final sketch that told Andy what to do next...she should have told Rhonda the truth. They could have gone to the first enchanter.They would be tranquil, or executed but at least the research would be ended. Or there was the chance that Rhonda had already done it. 

Andy felt her stomach twist. She had to tell Rhonda the truth, they would burn down the lab again. They could keep it a secret, just like Andy had done for years. Rhonda was right, friends helped each other. She would safe Rhonda from herself. Her father would tell her this was the right thing to do.

Andy ducked into the library instead of continuing up the stairs to anatomy and spirit healing. She slid between two narrow bookcases, ducking all the way behind to one of her many hiding places as a child. She still used this one sometimes to watch the storms from the window ledge. The templars could never find her, and only the puddles would bring a tranquil librarian there to shut the ledge. Andy waiting for twenty minutes, she knew the hallways would be busy with students, apprentices, and mages making their way between classes.

She closed her eyes and replayed the last few days in her mind’s eye trying to remember what Rhonda had been doing. Everything had seen so normal, but was it?

Andy slipped back into the hallway, making her way to the basement, slipping past the two templars guarding the front door. She could hear Enchanter Welton giving a lecture to some children apprentices but otherwise it was empty. Andy turned down a dark hallway, went halfway down the way and carefully twisted the lock. The damaged lock opened with a loud clunk, Andy using her body to block the sound.

She opened the door and found their secret room empty. Andy breathed a sigh of relief, and felt her face flush red when she realized what a terrible friend she was to doubt Rhonda. She searched the room, looking for any signs of use, but it was empty, not even research notes. She growled to herself and slowly made her way back up to the main hallway. Maybe Rhonda was just avoiding her, Andy after all, had assumed the worst of her. Perhaps Rhonda had always known that and had decided that Andy wasn’t actually a friend.

Andy missed most of midday meal searching for her friend, she would have missed it entirely if a templar hadn’t caught her attempting to get into the mages’ room. He half dragged her to the mess hall and she had someone watching her the rest of the day. The rest of the day, with a shining metal shadow was just classes, Andy tried to stay focused on her friend but soon her mind wandered to the present and she was eager to prove herself again.

By the final call for dinner, Andy couldn’t repress her worry for Rhonda. She stared down at her plate, tapping it with her fork, as she searched her memory for the last time she saw her. Andy had seen her in the library, studying, they had spoken, they had apologized to each other, made up the best they could and then Andy had left to finish her potion experiment. Had Rhonda been in the dormitory afterwards? Andy closed her eyes, tapping the fork in time with her steps after returning from the lab. She had tossed her clothes in the hamper...was Rhonda’s frame in her bunk? What about her blonde curly hair? Did Andy even look? Did the bed appeared slept in the next morning?

“ANDY!” someone yelled, she jumped in surprise.

She searched the hall, only to see Van staring at her across the table, “Would you please, and I mean this with all the love in my heart, stop it!”

Andy looked around still confused, “stop what?”

“That tapping!” He swore, and rested his hand on the fork, “Are you even going to eat?”

Andy looked down at her plate, surprised it was still full of food, she was so sure she had eaten. She didn’t feel hungry. “Sorry Van, I was thinking.”

“I know.” Van rolled his eyes, “Trust me, I know.” He sighed heavily, “Andy...you’re cute, but not that cute.”

Andy shrugged, she really didn’t care if people found it enduring or not. She looked around the hall, surprised by how many people had already left.

“Did you see Rhonda?” she asked Van, who was rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“No, not yet.”

“Have you seen her at all today?”

“No, Diana asked me earlier but I haven’t seen her since Fade Theory on Tuesday. What’s wrong?”

Andy drummed the table for a second searching the hall, she didn’t see Rhonda but she saw a familiar braid of blonde hair. Van caught that hand as well, she looked at her trapped hands then up at him. For a moment it looked like he was about to say something but he shook his head and pulled away. “Andy…”

“I’ll be right back.” Andy said automatically as she stood up, “Actually, you can have the rest.”

“Andryia!” Van called after her, but she didn’t respond.

No one else seemed as concerned about Rhonda’s disappearance. But she had to do something. Even if it meant being uncomfortable. “Clarissa, do you have a sec?” Andy asked, not sitting down. Rhonda’s ex-girlfriend froze in mid conversation. Her entire back went ridged. Apparently that stick up her ass was still there...

“Look Trevellyan…” Clarissa started but Andy didn’t give her the chance. “Have you seen Rhonda?”

Andy fought the urge to slap the eye roll off Clarissa’s face, “Look, no one has seen her since Tuesday, I’m getting worried. Please Clarissa.”

Clarissa glared up at her, “Look at that, she not here for you, just like she was never there for me!” She gave a fake smile and started to turn away.

Fear fueled Andy’s rage. She pulled Clarissa back to her, “You cheated on her. That’s not what this is about. Have. You. Seen. Her?”

“No. I haven’t.” Clarissa snapped, two templars were slowly making their way to them.

Andy didn’t care, “Maybe she ran away, maybe she jumped out of the tower. I don’t care.” Clarissa tore herself from Andy’s grip, “And maybe if she had actually tried to communicate, I wouldn’t have found someone better.”

“Oh fuck you.” Andy turned angry at herself for sinking so low as to talk to Clarissa, “You just can’t keep your legs closed.”

“Ladies,” One of the templars began but Andy spun on her heels.

“It’s over. We’re fine.” Andy stormed off her entire body trembling. She started to turn around, Rhonda had to beg Andy not to attack Clarissa after they broke up. But Rhonda wasn’t here, and Clarissa was slandering her friend’s name.

The templar caught her by the arm, she couldn’t see his face behind the helm, “Easy girl. Easy,” He warned her softly. It reminded Andy of when she used to help her father with the horses. She was acting like an over excited stallion. He half dragged half lead Andy to the main hall, “Walk it off.”

“I’m fine,” argued Andy, she was far from fine, “I’m fine.” Andy turned back to the templar and the dinning hall, where she could see Clarissa spreading more lies to the other templar. She raised her finger and pointed at Clarissa but swallowed her gut response, “She’s a---”

Andy turned and felt the world drop several meters. A lean graceful figure with long blond hair turned. His green eyes studied her for a moment as he twisted an unruly strand behind his sharp ears. Andy felt her heart flutter. They hadn’t spoken for over a year but just his strange big eyes made her tremble.

“Andryia,” her name sounded like a song on his lips.

“Grant,” she responded. She closed her eyes and turned away. She was not going to give him anything. Not after everything.

“Hey, wait a minute.” He held her arm back, it didn’t hurt. She could pull away if she wanted to. But even after everything she didn’t want to. Sometimes she wondered if it was truly just a lapse of judgement. Maybe he did care about her. Maybe it wasn’t about… “Andryia, what is wrong?” His eyes searched her face.

She slumped her shoulders and swallowed her pride again. It was becoming a familiar taste, “I can’t find Rhonda. We had a huge fight a week ago. I’m worried.”

Grant searched her face, then turned away; he searched him memories as well, “She wasn’t in potions this week. We had a test before break...that was the last time I saw her.”

Andy fell into his chest. She missed what they had. She hadn’t been with anyone after him. Rhonda had teased her, said she was ‘hung up’ on him. Grant hugged her, she felt like she was in a dance when he held her like this.

He studied her as she pulled away, Andy wiped the frustration from her face, “I’m going to check the infirmary.” Grant searched her face again, “Okay. Do you want--”

“Grant,” a beautiful elven apprentice appeared suddenly, “I thought we were going to watch the moon---oh.” She finished weakly as she saw Andryia still in his arms.

Andy pushed off of him as if his touch burned her. Grant gave a casual smirk. He gave her one last glance of support. “I’m coming Anna.”

Andy watched him go with an ache in her chest. He had asked about the one thing she would never tell. He wanted to know about the fire, about her research. That secret she would take with her to her grave. When Grant had pushed her for answers, when he had said he was just trying to understand; Andy had ran from him. She wanted to trust him again, she wanted to trust anyone again. But she didn’t dare, all Grant had shown her was that he would do anything for a piece of power, no matter the cost. She couldn't allow herself to forget that, she forced herself to the infimary.

Andy was surprised to run into Knight Commander Redrick. The Spirit Healer on duty had nearly shoved Andy into his chestplate, before he caught her.

“Andriya Trevellan.” He boredly stated as if identifying a plant.

Andy struggled to recover her balance. “Knight Commander, I’m sorry.” she began but he didn’t let her finish.

“Come with me Apprentice.”

Andy swallowed all of her resistance the best she could. Her mind was so focused on finding Rhonda that it took it a second longer than usual to process her own actions of the day. Besides skipping class, she hadn’t technically done anything wrong. She stood her feet locked to the floor as she struggled to consider all of her activity for the week. The last time she had seen the Knight Commander was the fire, all those years ago. He hadn’t aged well, his skin weathered heavily, the acid burns more prevalent now. His hair was now grey with a hint a color.

The last time Andy had spoken with him she had been certain she was going to be executed or made tranquil. Now that fear rose up again. It was going to happen now, now her life was going to end. She wasn’t ready to die. Redrick turned around again, surprised that she hadn’t moved. Andy wanted to obey him, but her body refused to move, she watched him move closer, but still she couldn’t run. When was the fight or flight instinct suppose to kick in?”

“Apprentice?” Redrick asked, his eyes hard as he waited for her to attack him, “With me please.”

Andy felt her body follow him, her mind screamed at her to run, to attack and sprint back into the infirmitory and lock herself in. She was only twenty two, she was too young to die. She searched her mind, what mark did she leave on this world that was worthy? Nothing, she wasn’t a hero, she wasn’t a champion, she wasn’t an enchanter. She would die an unknown mage. She was a Trevelyan; she was supposed to to do something great. Now she didn’t even get to meet Henrick’s wife. She would never get to hold her nephew. She would never get to race Rodrick, she would never get to spar with Markus again. Her mother, she would never see her mother again. Never hear her voice.

Andy must have made a sound because she felt the Knight Commander turn and guide her by her elbow, “Calm down Apprentice Trevelyan. Take a deep breath.”

Andy forced herself to inhale slowly and exhale. She turned all her attention to breathing again, then she realized something else. They were not going outside. They were going up the tower. Andy looked around, they had passed the First Enchanter’s room and down a hallway she had never been allowed to enter. The two templars who guarded the stairwell, saluted them through. Andy watched them confused as Redrick led her through the doorway and shut it behind them. Andy stared at the closed door, realizing she had never really wondered what was beyond the doorway, and if she would ever see the other side of it again. She turned her attention back to the stairwell, it was steeper than the other stairs in the circle, there was no rail. They must be at the very top of the lighthouse now. She looked down for a second into the darkness, it would be a long and painful fall. Vertigo spun her mind and she turned back the Knight Commander who shook his head and held her elbow slightly tighter.

Did he expect her to jump? Better that than tranquil.

Andy was too cowardly to jump, although the further up he took her, the more she weighed that as a solution. She knew her father would disapprove of a suicide attempt. Trevelyans faced their problems, they would stand with honor no matter the judgement. Great in deed.

Redrick opened a door leading to a small landing in front of wide double doors. Andy stared at the sun carving of the chantry on it. Redrick closed the door behind them and sighed heavily, his age showed even more now, “Do you know why your here?” He asked tiredly.

Andy nodded, she wanted to answer with, “To die,” but she swallowed back that response, Andy straighten her shoulders, “I understand.”

She was foolish to think that her actions in her teens would never catch up to her. They must have always known she set the fire. They must have known what she had tried to hide. Andy caught something on Redrick’s face out of the corner of her eye; he looked to be smiling. She turned her head, but his face was stoic and prepared again. Andy turned back to the door, she wished her arms would stop shaking as she pushed it open.

The room behind the doors was a huge circular empty space. Andy realized she was right below the light of the lighthouse, she studied the ceiling and caught sight of a small door that must lead to the flame. Statues of Andrastra surrounded her in a dozen different alcoves, with stain glass depicting her death burned red and yellow light onto the floor in the empty spaces between each statues. A dozen templars stood at ease under each statue, the two next to the door, Andy could smell the lyrium on them, they were prepared for an attack. There was nothing else in the room besides a pedestal in the center of the room. Andy looked at the tile below, realizing it was a carving of a paralysis glyph. A little bit of will, and whoever was in the circle would be frozen in place. Andy blinked twice as First Enchanter Lydia approached from the pedestal. It had been years since Andy had seen her, and unlike Redrick, she had hardly aged a day. Her eyes were still bright, her hair still short and dark, her lean body still moved with elfin grace although she was human. Andy stared at her as Lydia smiled at her, she could see some wrinkles that hadn’t been there all those years ago.

“Andryia,” Lydia said and Andy forced herself to silence her mind to listen, “I was never sure this day would come, but here we are. Your Harrowing.”

Andy blinked at the words, she must have misheard the First Enchanter, there was no way she was here for her Harrowing. Everything she had done as a kid should have ended any chance of this day actually happening. Andy looked over at Redrick, there was a twitch in his lips that hinted at laughter. “My what?” she asked the First Enchanter.

She smiled again, “Your Harrowing, the trial all apprentices go through to prove themselves capable of handling the responsibility of being a mage. Magic is meant to serve man, never to rule over him.” Andy watched Lydia’s mouth move in a practiced speech but Andy couldn’t hear a word. She had theorized the Anvil, she had been steps away from recreating it, she had burned down her lab to hid it, and now she was at her Harrowing. That was impossible. Maybe this was the Harrowing. She had accepted she would never be a mage, this couldn’t be real.

Lydia seemed to be waiting for a response, Andy realized she hadn’t been listening. She stared at Lydia searching her face for the question. “I didn’t study,” Andy answered.

She saw Redrick’s lips twitch again, apparently he enjoyed her answer. Lydia’s smile fell slightly, she gently led Andy closer to the center of the circle, “This isn’t really something you can study for Andryia.”

Andy stared at her, she would be willing to try to study at least, but the First Enchanter continued, “The Harrowing is secret because it requires that you go into the Fade and face a demon. If you are victorious, you will be a mage of Ostwick Circle.”

Andy’s mind instantly went back to Fade Theory, which was this morning but suddenly felt like it was years ago. Enchanter Carol had known, the book recommendation. Why hadn’t she read that book? Andy frowned, “I go into the Fade and battle a demon?” She stared at the First Enchanter, trying to read her face. Andy dropped her voice, “This isn’t the fade now, is it? Is this my Harrowing?”

Lydia didn’t even crack a smile, Andy turned to study the room again. The swords of the templars were real enough. She knew what would happen if she didn’t beat the demon. She turned back to the leader of the Circle, for a moment Andy wished they were alone, “You want to send me into the Fade. After….everything?” Lydia nodded slowly, “All the Enchanters agree, you have resisted all temptation, you are the first in all your classes, you continue to study, and your choices show; you are ready.” Andy realized that Lydia had led her to the pedestal, raw lyrium balanced in a shallow bowl. The crystals looked sharp enough to cut through reality and send Andy into the next realm. Andy looked back at Lydia, she half wished for a sword to appear and kill her. And if everything went wrong, it would.

They were wrong, she wasn’t ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was a long one compared to the first chapter. I thought about splitting it into two chapters but I couldn't find that 'break'. I really wanted to introduce everything that mattered to Andy's life during this chapter. I'm kinda of sorry I couldn't develop her friendship with Rhonda and Diana a little more. I had originally written this chapter as a shout-out to the codex entry 'Spirits and Demons' but then I decided to cut that out. It was a little underdeveloped, maybe if the characters were younger it would fit that style better.


	3. The Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy goes into the fade, where she faces her greatest fears. And that's when she finds out exactly what she fears.

Andriya stared at her home. The manor where she had spent her childhood towered above her, windows stared down at her, angry eyes that disapproved of her return. Andy stared back at the house, her mind struggling to comprehend what was happening. 

“I’m in the Fade,” she told herself, her voice sounded different to her ears, “This is my Harrowing.”

Andy closed her eyes to avoid seeing the house. The ache in her chest she pushed down every day erupted. The longing to return home physically hurt. She forced herself to take a deep breath, “It’s not real.” She told herself harshly, but she could hear herself whisper afterwards, “Maker, I wish it was real.” 

Andy opened her eyes and slowly examined her surroundings, she had to keep her mind sharp. Anything out of the order would tell her she was in the fade, she had to remember that. She wasn’t dreaming, she was trapped in a nightmare. Andy studied the trees, the branches thick and covered in thorns, the road to town was a tunnel of blackness. She shivered, her home had never looked like that, the road was shaded by willows, with sunlight shimmering through the branches. As a child, she would lift her face to the breeze and feel the warmth. The trees were always well maintained, there was love and patience put in every corner of the home. The fade had twisted it. 

Andy turned back to the house, “It’s not real.” But seeing the twisted manor made her miss home even more. Everything that was wrong brought back the memory of how it should be. Slowly she approached the house, The door grew taller with every step closer, it slammed opened, the sound echoed all around her. Andy swore and reluctantly stepped inside. 

She didn’t hear the door close behind her. She was on the landing for the second floor. Henrick, Rodrick, and her all had rooms on this floor. Markus was just up the stairs as well as her parents. It was strange to see all the doors closed, Rodrick rarely was in his room, usually in the library. It was as if she had crept to the kitchen as a child to steal treats while everyone was asleep. 

Andy rested her hand on Rodrick’s door, she pushed the door opened softly, maybe she could surprise the demons. Andy stepped in, surprised by the light. When she blinked her vision back, Andy gasped. Rodrick was sitting at a chess board. He was leaning in his chair, his face resting in his hand; his brow furred in thought. But that wasn’t what froze Andy at the door. He was older now, she had expected the demons to use her memories of her family. But to see them older, aged like she had, made her miss them even more. She could see a beard under his hand, he had a beard. Andy approached him, but he didn’t react. 

“Rodrick?” she whispered, but he didn’t react. She waved her hand over his face, no reaction. It was as if he was frozen in time. She studied his face, he had father’s eyes and hair but mother’s nose. She could see callous on his hands for riding. She searched his face. She had missed so much, what small things had happened to make him the man he was now? Why had he grown a beard? Did he like it? She studied his clothes, did he like them? Why was he dressed this way? These were idiot questions that she had never asked in her letters. She turned her attention to the chess board. Her heart skipped a beat, her last letter was on the board. He was playing their game. Andy turned back to him, “Wake up please.” she whispered. Gently she rested her hand on his shoulder. She half hoped he would react but the statue of her brother remained the same. She kissed his forehead, she could smell horse and grain on his head, “I miss you Rodrick.” 

Andy wanted to stare at her brother for hours. Part of her mind told her it was a lie, a trick from demons. But the rest of her knew it was him, somehow the demons had brought her a vision of her family. If they had just let her visit her family, this would be easier. Andy looked up at the ceiling, and pushed the tears back. The demons had found her weakness, she needed to find theirs. 

She stepped back into the hallway, gently she closed Rodrick’s door. She wanted to leave it open, but she didn’t want to disturb him. It wasn’t even him, but for some reason she wanted to let him think in peace. Henrick’s door opened as she approached. Andy almost fell to her knees. 

Henrick and Vanessa stood with their backs to her. Andy knew they were like Rodrick, frozen in time, she had never seen Vanessa before. Her hair was a loose braid, she was wearing a nightgown, a head shorter than Henrick. They were both looking down, but Andy could tell that she was shorter than Henrick by a head, his arm was over her shoulder, as they examined whatever was in her hands. Henrick’s hair was long as well, red like hers, at his shoulders. His shoulders were broad, he seemed to have grown tall and wider. He did look like their father. Andy took a step closer, she glanced around the room and paused again; there were paintings all around her, paintings of Henrick and Vanessa’s life. She stared at the painting of their wedding, Vannessa was beautiful, brown eyes, a long nose, high cheek bones, a smile that made Andy smile. Henrick was staring at her in the painting, Andy could see the love in his eyes. 

Andy had begged the circle to go to the wedding, she had even attempted to run away but was caught at the gate. She had wept bitterly when Enchanter Gerald wouldn’t allow her to travel with him even though he would be going right past her homestead. Andy studied everyone in the picture; her father with grey in his hair, Markus with his familiar smirk, Rodrick as the best man. Ben, the horse trainer, Bartrend the trainer, Calypso the farrior, and other faces she didn’t know. Andy was crying now; her family was so beautiful. She had missed so much already. How much more would she miss?

The answer was in Vanessa’s arms. A baby, brown eyes, a few red strains of hair, it stared in wonder at Vanessa. “Nathan.” Andy heard herself whisper. He was the most beautiful boy in the world. She had missed it. She had missed her nephew’s birth. What else would she miss? His first steps? His first words? When would she be able to tell him stories? When could she take him riding? When would she get to hold him? Would he ever see her? Would she ever see him?

Andy left that room, her hand over her mouth to block her sobs. Her shoulders were shaking as she struggled against her pain. She wanted it to end, she couldn’t deal with seeing Markus or her father. It would be easier to be tranquil. She wanted to yell at the First Enchanter, beg her to make her empty. She would rather not feel anything then to bear this weight. Andy slowly walked toward the stairs. If she was going to face Markus, better do it sooner rather than later. 

Her door opened as she walked by, Andy glanced at it but hadn’t planned to enter it; except a young boy was watching her. He was kneeling in front of several wooden toys, hand downs from Markus and Andy’s childhood. Andy blinked, the boy blinked. She stared as the boy stood up and slowly approached. He had her mother’s eyes, but her father’s red hair. He tilted his head, “Hello.” the boy said. His voice sounded far away, as if he was speaking through the paper tubes and twine that Markus and Andy had used as children so long ago. 

Andy stared at him, it couldn’t be…

“Who are…” he paused and tilted his head, “Are you crying?”

Andy shook her head instinctually but then nodded, she didn’t dare speak. She didn’t trust herself to keep it inside any longer. It had to be a demon. Please be a demon. Don’t be…

“Why are you crying?” The boy asked, his blue eyes wide with confusion, “Are you hurt?”

Andy sunk to her knees, this couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real. This couldn’t even be the fade. This had to be hell. She was already dead, it would be better to be dead. 

“Do you need help?”

Andy shook her head again, “No,” she choked out, she swallowed her longing, “No.”

The boy stared at her from the doorway his brow furrowed like Rodrick’s, she was a stranger to him now. Her mother had never returned her letters, but she knew the boy in front of her was Erick. 

“Are you hurt?” Erick asked again. 

“No,” Andy answered, “I’m very happy.”

Erick faced changed, “So you’re...crying?”

Andy wanted to laugh, "Yes, yes, I’m crying because I’m so very happy.”

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

Andy only nodded as she watched her little brother. He stared around her, studying the hallway, and then back to studying her. She longed to get closer to him but she was afraid to break the spell. 

“Is this...is this a dream?” Erick asked after some silence, “This isn’t like my other dreams.”

“Yes,” Andy asked almost too quickly, she paused and got control of herself, “This is a dream.”

“This is a weird dream.”

Andy smiled, it would be better to be a dream. A terrible thought wandered into her mind. If Erick was so aware of what was happening, there was a small chance he had magical abilities. Of course that depended on if this was Erick or something else. This was her Harrowing after all. She was at the mercy of a templar’s sword and a demon’s twisted entertainment. But if this was, if the boy in front of her was Erick at some level...she couldn’t hurt him. 

“Do you want to play with me?” Erick asked, motioning to the toys on the floor of his room. Andy closed her eyes, she had longed to play with him, ever since she had made the ice lilies spin on the water, she had wanted to play toys with her brother. 

“No,” she forced herself to say, “No, I can’t play right now.”

“Oh.” 

Andy winced, “Maybe, maybe when we aren’t dreaming. We can play.”

“But you’re a dream, you can’t play in real life.”

Andy winced again. He was right. To him, she was a spirit of the fade, even worse; she was a demon to him. Is that how it started for children? A dream spirit that played, then a demon that would never leave. She looked at him for a long moment. He had no idea, he had no way to protect himself. 

“Do you have dreams like this often?” she asked him, slowly standing up. She wanted to hug him, she wanted to smell the top of his head, she wanted to play with him. But she didn’t dare move, she wouldn’t hurt her brother, she wouldn’t risk Erick to this demon. 

“No.”

“Good.” Andy said to herself and then realized that Erick had heard her, “I mean, this is a weird dream.”

“Yeah...err, I mean, Yes it is.” He caught his manners. 

“You should go to bed Erick. Close your door and go to bed. And when you wake up, the dream will be over.” Andy turned away, Markus would be better than this. 

“How did you know my name?”

Andy froze with her foot on the stairwell. She had made a mistake. It had fell out of her mouth so naturally. She turned back to him, her mind searching for a lie, some excuse. Erick was still in the doorway, leaning into the hallway, one hand holding him on the frame. She could see his eyes searching for answers that she couldn’t give. 

“You.” He said suddenly, he rose to his full height, he was taller than she would have guessed at thirteen, “You...made the light dance.” He shook his head as he brought up that forgotten memory, “On the wading pool, the lilies would spin and the light would sparkle. Floating crystals.”

Andy almost ran to him, tears fell down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to say or what to do. Nothing prepared her for this. Was it Erick or a demon? Was this a trick of the fade or real? Was this her Harrowing or just a dream? What was the right answer? 

Erick looked down at her, “Who are you?”

Andy knelt in front of him, she wanted to capture his face in her hands, she wanted to hold him. She willed Redrick to kill her now. But nothing happened. Her mother hadn’t told Erick about her. Andy had always guessed that her mother had kept her daughter a secret. But from her own brothers? Would she really keep Andy from them? Andy opened her mouth to answer but shut it quickly. This was the fade, this was her Harrowing. But if it wasn’t?

“Erick,” Andy began, “Listen to me. This is very important.” She searched the hallway, “This is a bad dream. You can never invite someone to play with you during these dreams, okay? Not even me. If you see someone in your dreams, and I don’t care who they are or if they are crying, or if they are hurt, or anything. You tell them to go away. You close the door. Okay?”

“Close the door?” Erick asked in surprise, “I don’t understand? Who are you?”

Andy tapped the frame of the door, “You need to close the door Erick. Whenever you have a dream like this. Close the door. Do you understand?”

“Close the door on you?” Erick searched her face, “Why?”

Andy closed her eyes to hide grief, “Because,” what was she supposed to tell him, “Because it might not be me next time. It might be something bad.

“Are,” Erick searched the hallway, “Are you bad?”

“No!” Andy answered again too quickly, “No, I’m not bad...but there are bad things here.”

“Then you should come in, so I can keep you safe!”

“No!” Andy snapped, “Never, and I mean never, protect anything in these dreams. Never invite them in. Never invite me in.”

“But if there are bad things...and you’re not a bad thing.”

“Erick listen!” Andy snapped, the tone caused her to wince, “I know you are a good boy, and I know you are going to grow up to be a great man. Please listen to me. I don’t know how much of this you will remember. But remember this. Do not let anything in. Close the door.”

Erick looked at her confused, “I can help you. Let me help you.”

Andy blood turned cold. She stared at her brother feeling her heart drum in her chest. Her emotions ran wild in her mind for a moment: fear and rage swelled, relief and panic rained down. Erick looked at her, his eyes wide with confusion. Andy logic screamed at her, reminding her that she was on her knees, “Erick,” she tried one last time, she stood cautiously, “Close the door. 

“I can help!”

Andy’s eyes narrowed, “The only reason I haven’t killed you is because you are dressed as my little brother.”

Erick drew back, “What?”

Andy reached for her will, drawing the image in her mind, “Everything I told you, works both ways. You are not welcomed here.” The glyph flickered in front of her, purple lightning shivered around her, “Close the door or I will close it for you.”

Erick took a step back, his eyes wide with fear, “You are bad.”

The words burned, “Yes I am.” 

Erick hunched low, his entire body trembled, Andy closed her eyes so she didn’t have to see. She had heard it, she had felt it. But if it was her brother...she couldn’t watch. 

All the air went out of her lungs as she was slammed back into the wall. Andy collapsed, she gasped for air as the hallway faded in color. She looked up to see the creature in the doorway. A demon with long bony arms, ice along its fingers, making each nail sharper than a sword. It opened its mouth, Erick’s sweet voice still coming from it’s black mouth. 

“Admit it, I almost had you.”

The world spun as Andy struggled to her feet, she still couldn’t catch her breath. The Despair Demon charged again, Andy thrust her hand down, creating a repulision ward at her feet. The demon screamed as it hit the wall. She released her will in fire at the creature. It pulled back, resting on the stairs. 

“Clever little witch.” It said still sounding like Erick, “It hurts doesn’t it? You have missed so much, and now you will miss even more. Markus found a lover now. Your father is a drunk, and there is nothing you can do about it. Time stops for no one. You are missing things that can’t be put in letters. You are going to die in this tower and their lives will continue without you. You aren’t important. You aren’t wanted. You are nothing.”

“Liar!” Andy lied, she threw her will at the creature, fire and earth. Lightning crackled as she attacked the creature blinded by doubt. 

“Who’s lying now?” The demon chuckled, “Vanessa doesn’t know what you look like, your father thinks you have his eyes. You think that they will welcome you home when they couldn’t see you in a crowd.”

Andy felt her will falter. It was right. There was truth in his words. She had imagined Vanessa from the letters, in her mind her brothers were ageless. Her entire family had been untouched by time; but the fade had shown her the truth. They had lives, they had families, their world kept spinning but her world was stagnate. What was she to them? Would Henrick still smile and shake his head at her when she got distracted? Would Markus still think her humor was funny? Would Rodrick still think she was clever? Was she just a burden to them. Another responsibility, in their lives full of duty. 

Andy raised her hands up to the ceiling, “You’re not a very smart demon, are you?” She clapped her hands together and brought them down, Lightning followed her motion, stunning the demon on the stairs and the one behind her. Andy threw her will at the creature behind her, it hit the wall and the stone crumbled around it. She turned back to the Erick impersonator, her body trembled with rage and exhaustion of equal measure. Building her will with each step, she approached it, the lightning glyph danced in front of her, “If I didn’t matter to them, why was Rodrick playing against me? Checkmate asshole.”

The demon was ash after her spell. Andy stood over it’s remains for a moment and caught her breath. It was some relief that it hadn’t been Erick. But at the same time she wished it had been. She still shook, her mind hated that the demons had her figured out. Her family would always be in danger because of her. And now she understood, reluctantly, why the circle never wanted her to see them. But it was an equal cause; if Andy could see them, they couldn’t be used against her. They could be a source of her power rather than a source of weakness. 

Andy shook her head to clear her thoughts, she turned to make her way back to the door. She wanted a bath. Of course she was in the fade, so maybe it was a mental bath. 

Andy felt the breeze go past her face, she turned to see the stairs up to the third floor, an oppressive blackness stared down, wind roared down, Andy took a few steps before she recovered. Her Harrowing wasn’t over. 

Animal instinct told her to run, so she turned and sprinted down the hallways. She reached for a doorway, only to find it slammed shut and locked. Andy tried to outrun the locking doors, she sprinted before the blackness, it brushed her heels. Andy turned and spun into a room, the door slamming behind her. 

Andy stepped away from the door gasping for air. She expected it to rattle with demon hands, or break under a fist. But it was silent. Andy turned to look around the room, she had to escape the Fade house. She was in her father’s study. Or a copy of her father’s study. The desk was covered in papers, but they were blurry, as if a drawing of a desk. Andy squinted trying to see exactly what the papers were. She moved some of the paper aside, it looked familiar, if she tilted her head to the right it could be….

Andy leapt from the desk as if it burned, she turned back to face the darkness; it was better than what was in this room. The door was blocked now, a blacksmith’s anvil stood between her and the door, the tools neatly laid out on the table next to it. She could smell the fire, smoke seemed to burn in her lungs even though there was no flames, and the smell of the dead templar coated her throat. 

“Finish it, and you will be free to go.” A voice told her from the bench against the darkest wall. It was an eloquent voice; an accent that could be mistaken for Antivian noblemens. Andy took a step back from all three things, not sure which was the most evil. She couldn’t see the speaker and the voice could be confused for a male or female but Andy wasn’t sure what it was. 

“No,” She answered firmly, lecture of Fade Theory rang in her ears. 

An abnormally long finger wagged shamefully at her, and pointed at the desk, “Finish it Andriya.”

Andy followed the finger, the blurry notes seemed clearer. Andy closed her eyes and turned away from the desk. Her mind struggled to remember what to do, “Leave.” she commanded. 

“For a noble, you are very rude.” the voice said, it crossed it’s leg over its knee, “Finish it.”

“No.”

The creature sighed and drummed on hand on the bench and began to examine its long nails on the other, “I am not at my best, so I will tell you one last time, “Finish the Anvil.”

“No.” Andy said firmly a third time, she pushed some will behind the words, she glared at the demon in the shadows. She wasn’t sure what it was. 

The demon sighed heavily, “You’re tired, you’ve used more energy than you should have playing with those little demons. You really don’t have the will to deny me.”

“I will deny you.” She said again, Andy ignored the truth in the demon’s words. Yes, she was low on will; but she would fight this creature as well. Andy hadn’t liked the use of the world ‘play’; for her it had been a fight. 

“Andriya,” The demon said, its voice thick with a warning, “I will warn you, I am a little cranky. It will be in your best interest to sit down and finish the Anvil. So, finish it.” 

Andy didn’t move, she could feel the seconds tick by as the creature stared at her from the shadows. 

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” The creature said, “That’s fine. You will get to know me soon enough.”

Andy took another step back, she understood that final sentence well enough, “You are not allowed. My mind, my will. You are not allowed.”

The creature laughed, “That’s cute. Is that what you were taught in school?” It shook its head, “I really hate exerting unnecessary energy, but I’ve reached the end of my patience. You’re precious circle would call me Sloth, and it would have taught you that locking your mind would protect you against me. Have you ever met a slothful person? They have an animalist strength of complete brutality.”

Sloth rose up from the bench, it was so tall that it had to lean forward to fit into the room. As it leaned forward Andy could finally see the creature. She tried to take another step back but her heel hit the wall. She had wondered why she couldn’t see the creature’s eyes, now she knew, an eyeless helm covered its face, showing only a noseless face, and a skeletal smile; lipless and leather skin. 

Before she could react, the creatures hand grabbed her by her waist and threw her into the desk, fire burned in her stomach, she had felt something move inside of her, she couldn’t breath. She coughed up vomit, but it felt like she was breathing fire, she tasted copper on the back of her throat. 

Andy blinked tears from her eyes, and struggled to straighten up, her ribs screamed against her movement. Andy glanced at the desk, she recognized half the blurry papers, it was her notes...all the notes she had destroyed, she could see her doodles, her sketches. Andy frowned as the notes became clearer and easier to read. She closed her eyes and jumped back from the table. 

“I don’t remember!”

“DON’T LIE!” the creature screamed. 

“I don’t remember!” She repeated, bracing herself against the desk as the creature pushed her head onto the papers, she squeezed her eyes shut, “I destroyed everything!”

“And now you insult all my work of bringing your notes back to you. You will FINISH IT!”

“I can’t!”

The creature howled in rage, it threw Andy across the room, she crashed into the bookcase, the titles and shelves covering her head. Andy forced another repulsion glyph as the creature charged but it did nothing, a flash of light and the creature held her by her head. Andy spread her fingers, lightning danced between them and the Sloth Demon. It did nothing. 

The creature snarled in annoyance, “You are wasting your will.”

“I forgot.”

“DO NOT LIE!” 

Spit splashed against her cheeks burning her face, turning her tears into steam. The creature brought her closer to its mouth. Its breath reminded Andy of finding a decaying fox by the lake. She gagged as it’s hand closed around her throat. She was seeing stars as it tightened its grip. 

“I know you remember, and I am not leaving without the Anvil. You can lie to the Templars, to your teachers, you can lie to yourself. Do not lie to me. If you won’t give me the Anvil; I will take it.”

Andy clawed against the bony arm, her nails scratching at the flesh but the creature didn’t move. She tried to hit the elbow but she couldn’t reach. Panic set in as the room faded in color and a green circle appeared in her vision. She held the arm as tight as she could. 

The creature howled again, Andy fell to the ground, collasped in a heap as she tried to breath. Her hands were still glowing with fire. The room was moving around her, as she struggled to breathe and find her feet. She could feel the creature stand over her, Andy spun, her open hand reaching the creature’s face. The piece of stone she had in her hand grew to a fist and turned the creature’s face. Andy crawled away, as the creature rubbed it’s face. 

“Enough of this.” It snarled, it lifted Andy by the shoulder and slammed her head against the Anvil. Andy could hear her skull creak under the Demon’s hand, “I’m going to smash your mind open and get the Anvil myself. So much work for just a little piece of information. Someone will appreciate my work.” It hissed to itself. 

The creature picked up a hammer and brought it down on the iron. The sound and vibration stunned Andy completely. The room faded, with the ringing, she could see Lydia kneeling over her, and Redrick’s sword drawn and raised. She had been shocked into the fade. 

The hammer came down again, closer to her face. She could see Lydia clearer now, panic in her eyes, Andy looked past her, to Redrick’s face. Was he angry? Maybe afraid? What was happening? And around him a glowing blue light, a halo from the Maker. 

And the memories came back, she was in the Fade, it was her Harrowing. She was supposed to fight this demon. How as she supposed to fight this demon? Panic set in, pushing against the blood pounding in her ears. This was the Fade, this Sloth demon was in the fade, Redrick and Lydia were reality. And the blue light?

Lyrium.

The Lyrium crystal on the pedestal, power. She needed it. She had to reach it. But how...how was she supposed to move while she was trapped in the Fade? 

The hammer came down again, she could feel the air against her nose, she could feel blood flow from her face, and pool under her cheek. 

It was real, it was the fade, it was a dream. People could sleep walk, couldn’t they? She had wandered the halls as a child in her sleep. 

“Lift it.” Andy whispered, using her will more than her voice, “Lift it.” 

_ Please Lydia, please. _

“Hmm?” Sloth asked, the hammer paused over her head, “Yes Andy?”

Her name sounded vile on the demons mouth. 

“Lift it now.”

Andy imagined the vision again, she imagined Lydia leaning in to hear her whisper, looking at Redrick who would shake his head in response. He would lift the sword higher now. One templar would step close, Victor maybe? Redrick would hesitate. 

Andy wasn’t sure if she imagined the feeling or actually felt something change. She drew her will into her mind. 

_ She opened her eyes Lydia threw herself back as Andy reached up and cut her hand on the lyrium crystal. Power welled up inside of her, lightning flooded through her nerves, her entire body was on fire. _

Andy screamed as she felt the hammer approached her skull, she pushed everything away. The demon, the anvil, the debris flew into the walls around her, the door groaned and buckled. Everything hurt, lightning danced inside of her, looking for a way out. Andy released at the door, it groaned and screamed then shattered under the power, Andy threw up a shield and watched the splinters fly past her. It still wasn’t enough for the power within her, it roared in her ears, she released it all at the Sloth demon. She watched the creature scream but the power within her was too much for her to hear it. It fell to the ground, it’s nails leaving marks in the floor as it twisted in agony. Andy watched as it seemed to slowly darken until it was only a black shadow of itself. It darted into the shadows and spun past her into the blackness of the hallway. There was still too much power in her. Andy stopped trying to control it. She released it all, spells she didn’t even know spun around her, she watched in terror as wind pushed back against the blackness. It was absolute chaos. She had to make it stop, she had to somehow end it. She needed to shut off the flow of magic. Andy closed her eyes, she slammed the door in her mind; everything stopped. 

_ Clever. _ Sloth said from everywhere and nowhere.  _ I’m not done with Andriya. You will finish it. _

Andy stood in the destroyed study unable to move. She closed her eyes, she had to get out before something else came along. That had to be it, that had to be her Harrowing. What more could she face. She took a breath and opened her eyes. 

Demons surrounded her. Andy screamed and threw up a ward, but she couldn’t move. She blinked again, it was Lydia standing over her.

“Breath Andriya.” Lydia was saying, “You have to breath.”

Andy forced herself to inhale, she was surprised that she could breath so easily. Andy watched Redrick study her for a moment, his eyes glowing blue with the lyrium in his veins, before he nodded to Lydia. 

“See if you can sit up.” Lydia’s gently pushed her up from the floor. Andy scrambled to her feet, relieved to be able to move. She brushed her face, her nose wasn’t bleeding, her shoulder wasn’t hurting, her ears were no longer ringing; Andy starting spinning around the room, searching the faces of the templars, expecting one of them to be eyeless. 

“Andy,” Lydia began but Andy wasn’t listening, she fell to her knees and vomited up her dinner. She closed her eyes as tears fell down her face, another step to her Harrowing. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t fight anymore demons. It had felt so real, the pain had been so real. She had been sure she had broken her ribs, her nose had been broken. So was this the fade? Was that real? Was she dead? 

Andy felt someone beginning to lift her up. Andy twisted from its grasp. She realized she was speaking out loud. She could hear her voice from a distance. She was praying. 

“Maker please, Maker please. Be real, be real, be real.” She heard herself say, “Please, no more, no more, I can’t. Maker. Andrasta, I can’t. Please.”

“Take her to the infirmitory.” Someone ordered, “She’s in shock.”

Two people lifted her between them, they half carried her through the door. Andy struggled to fight against them, but her feeble attempts did nothing to stop them. If they were demons, they had already won. 

Andy opened her eyes and waited for the demon to attack. She held her breath and could feel her muscles tense. Nothing happened. Andy blinked and let out her breath, she slowly turned her head and stared at the empty infirmary. Why was she here? Why was the Fade like this? Andy sat up, and rested her head in her hands; it wasn’t the Fade, it was reality. Relief made her weak, it was over. Her Harrowing was over, she had survived, and now she was a mage. Andy shivered, all mages had to go through a Harrowing, and if they were all like that; it was amazing that anyone survived. If Andy had known that was what she had to do, she would have chosen death over that. She needed to bath, she needed to drown; wash the memories, all the memories, away. How long had she looked forward to this day, or accept it would never happen? She had been delighted to be considered a mage, and now she would rather be an apprentice for the rest of her life. Andy stood up, searched the room again, and made her way to the door. Her hand was on the handle when it pushed towards her. Andy leapt back, an animal instinct rose up and she was certain it was the Sloth Demon.

Lydia was there, with Redrick, his eyes still shimmering with Lyrium. They studied her for a moment, both of them had narrows eyes as they studied her. 

“All is well Redrick?” asked Lydia sharply. Redrick nodded his answer but Andy didn’t believe him. She wasn’t even sure what Lydia implied with that question. 

Lydia shook her head tiredly, she motioned for Andy to return back to the infirmatory. The Knight Commander shut the door and joined Lydia in finding chairs and sitting in front of Andy. 

Before she had come to the circle, Andy’s parents once sat next to her bed they way Lydia and Redrick were sitting now. Back then her parents explained to her that her Great Uncle Paul had died. Redrick looked angry, like her father had so long ago while Lydia looked nervous, as if she wasn’t sure how to explain. 

“How are you feeling?” Lydia asked gently. 

Andy resisted her natural reaction to the question. What type of question was that? She felt awful, she felt fithy, she felt violated, she wanted to scrub her mind, her skin, her soul from this experience. She stared at her hands, the urge to scream at them overwhelmed her. She calmed herself before answering, “Nothing you said could have prepared me for that.” She told her hands. 

Lydia’s weathered hand held both of hers, Andy wanted to pull away, but she knew she couldn’t show disrespect to the First Enchanter. She closed her eyes to hide her anger. 

“Now do you understand why we don’t tell anyone what the Harrowing is about?”

Andy shook her head, “Is it like that...for everyone?”

Andy looked up when Lydia didn’t answer, she couldn’t read the expression on Lydia’s face, Redrick finally spoke after a moment, “Some are worse, others are better.”

Andy thought she saw a look pass between Redrick and Lydia, Andy imagined that Lydia gave the smallest shake of her head before Redrick continued, “But it must be done; all mages face demons in the fade.”

Andy stared back down at her hands, her heart started to beat rapidly, “Is that what it is like all of the time?” She looked up at Lydia, “I can’t do that again.”

“It won’t be like that again,” Lydia answered quickly, “As a mage you will be taking demon resistance classes as well as deciding what role you will have in this circle.”

Andy didn’t hear her, “I want to go home.” she didn’t realize she said it outloud until she saw Lydia’s eyes narrow.

“You are home, Andriya.” Lydia reminded her forcefully. 

Andy nodded, she had realized the words had fallen out of her mouth so easily. Andy had learned long ago that it was pointless to fight. She knew the circle wasn’t home, it was a cage because she was an animal. 

Lydia seemed to realize that Andy was done talking. She waited for a moment before she stood to leave. 

The words escaped Andy’s mouth before she could stop them, “What happened to Rhonda?”

Andy entered the tranquil dormitory without knowing how. She saw the familiar curly blonde hair along the far wall. She could hear each step as she crossed the room. This had to be the fade. This couldn’t be real. 

“Andriya.” Rhonda said softly. 

Andy couldn’t speak, “No…” She fell to her knees. She clung to Rhonda’s robes she searched her friend’s face for that familiar smile. She couldn’t breath, the room faded from her vision. She was alone in the darkness as her friend’s forehead, branded, seemed to glow. Andy clung to Rhonda’s robes, “Come back. Please come back.” She heard herself whisper. 

“I’m right here.” Rhonda said evenly. z

Andy shook her head, the tears started, “I need you Rhonda. I need you.”

“I’m right here, Andriya.” 

Andy sobbed into Rhonda’s robes. She had never felt so alone. She had fought so hard to become a mage, she had tried so hard and now she only wished that she couldn’t feel anything. She would rather be tranquil than feel this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a fun one to write! I enjoyed the fight scene. I loved the idea of Andy not having a chance in hell of defeating this demon but trying to anyways. She gets two shots in and the demons throws her around like a toy.   
>  I don't know if you can tell but I love conversations...I probably over-use the phrase of 'searching their face' but in movies or shows, you can also see the characters looking for answers in the other person's face.   
>  I also loved messing with Andriya's head and what actually gets to her. I wanted to impress on the passing of time in the circle. I don't know about you military folks, or long distance relationship folks but that's what really gets to me. Months go by and you visit someone and they are so different! Anyways...I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Everything Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TL:DR Andriya deals with the repercussions of Dragon Age 2. She has created a smuggling organization called the Tranquil Network (I swear I saw this in DA2 but I can't find it anywhere!!!) where she can move tranquil into safer places to work. And as someone with access to information that isn't disclosed to the public she has to decide what to reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm doing my notes at the beginning of this chapter unlike my other chapters. Mostly because this was not a fun write. This took a lot of time and editing and I'm still not satisfied with it. This is a slow chapter were I'm trying to wrangle some cats but it's not working. I will probably keep editing it until I reach something with a little more character growth.

Andy still couldn’t get over her nightmares. It had been two years since her harrowing. Two years since Rhonda had been made Tranquil. And that was not a nightmare. There were so many different ones now that if someone asked her which one scared her the most she really couldn’t tell. Some nights she would wake up screaming, or she would sob herself awake. It didn’t matter that she was a mage now, an official member of the Circle of Mages, it seemed the world had gotten so much darker since her harrowing.  
Not just in Ostwick, Andy’s mind wandered as she took another sip of wine, everywhere. Andy had accidently started a network for moving tranquil to safety from the abuses within the circles, but because of that, she had learned more about the horrors in other circles than she could even imagine.  
The network had started with Rhonda, after she had been attacked, Andy had smuggled a letter to her great aunt to take Rhonda to work for her. Her great Aunt had responded with a mercenary force that threaten to seige the lighthouse unless Rhonda went with her. It had worked, and Andy spent weeks half sure she was about to be made tranquil for her actions. Instead other tranquils asked Andy for help to leave. To study somewhere that wouldn’t allow them to be ‘interrupted’. Andy sipped her wine again, that was what the tranquil identified rape as...an interruption.  
Andy took a hard swallow of the wine, she did not want to relieve those months. She wanted to forget them. She wanted to forget the last conversation she had with Rhonda, she wanted to forget the last letter out of Kirkwall, she wanted to forget the Anvil.  
Someone sat down beside her. Andy blinked back the tears in her eyes, she glanced over at the dark hair and warm eyes of Diana. It had been Diana who had pulled Andy from Rhonda all those years ago. She had been the one who held her as she cried. Andy never really felt like they were friends, it felt more like a mentor and their pupal; but she wondered if that was how it was to be friends with Diana. Andy might be one of the top students at Ostwick Circle but Diana was the natural leader of the school, she was a vocal representative of the Aequitarians collage but more than that, she could quell any Libertarian argument before it started.  
Diana sat down next to Andy. She followed Andy’s gaze to the storm over the Waking Sea, “Andy--”  
“It’s Rhonda’s birthday today.” Andy interrupted. She didn’t care what Diana had to say. Not today.  
Andy could see the look Diana was giving her. She didn’t care, no one cared about the tranquil. Andy felt like she had to force people to acknowledge them. They needed to know, it would only take a word and any mage could end up like them. Diana had to know, but like everyone else she closed her eyes and dreamed that she had a choice.  
Andy finished off her wine and poured herself some more, she offered the bottle to Diana who actually took it. That should have been a warning to her that something was actually wrong but she had already had too much to drink that she didn’t react, “My great Aunt told me she had started to grow her hair out again. But then she saw a blue eyed boy in the market and shaved it all off again.”  
“Andriya,” Diana began slowly, “I’m so sorry for everything that happened--”  
“Yeah, me too.” Andy wiped the snot from her face, at least she wasn’t crying any more, “You’re drinking, what’s wrong?”  
“The Chantry in Kirkwall was destroyed.”  
Andy checked the horizon, “What?”  
“A mage, he was a Grey Warden, started in a circle...he did it. Name of Anders.”  
Andy looked at the remaining wine in the bottle. She wasn’t sure if she should pour it out or drink it, “No.” She heard herself say.  
Diana only nodded, “He had a manifesto.” Diana took another drink of wine, “Andriya, did you know?”  
Andy shook her head but then slowly nodded, “A few tranquil we smuggled out mentioned something...but not this. The Knight Commander was obsessed. A bloody nose could get you executed. And I got a letter from one of the templars last year...apparently Tranquil abuse is as common as the cold over there.”  
Diana pulled the wine from Andy’s hand, she twisted and kneeled in front of her, “Andy,” She was serious and she was scared Andy realized, “Did you know this was going to happen?”  
Andy glared at her. She wasn’t sure where the question was coming from and that made her even more angry. Because if Diana really thought she had supported something like this, she truly didn’t know Andy at all.  
“No,” Andy snarled, “All I know is that tranquils want out of Kirkwall, and I’m going to make that happen.” Andy realized the alcohol was talking as she continued, “I’m sorry about the Chantry but I really don’t care.” She looked up to the three templars watching them, “If they had a tighter leash on their dogs maybe I wouldn’t have to find safe places for their rape victims.”  
Diana leaned back, “You’re drunk.”  
Andy stood up, “Yes,” She spun on her heel but the room spun with her. One of the templars reached for her but Andy dodged his grasp, “Don’t touch me.” she snarled. She caught a glimpse of Diana shaking her head to stop the templars.

The next morning Andy’s head drummed against her skull. She had been too intoxicated to dream, but she still felt like she didn’t get enough sleep. Classes had been cancelled with the news of Kirkwall. The apprentices wandered about like lost puppies looking for somewhere safe, or someone who would comfort them. Andy watched a group of some kids sit at the far end of her table, drawing on parchment but obviously aware of the whispers around them.  
“Andy,” someone said sharply. Andy blinked, and looked up at Diana. The woman had probably been yelling at her for some time by the look on her face.  
“Sorry,” Andy said automatically, “I was thinking.”  
Diana sat down next to her slowly as if she expected Andy to suddenly lunge at her, “You didn’t mean it did you? You don’t care?”  
Andy sighed heavily as she thought about the attack in Kirkwall, of course that was what Diana wanted to talk about. Andy shook her head, “I care,” She said softly. She actually wasn’t sure if she did. She was sorry for the loss of life, she was sorry that now all mages would be punished for the act of one crazy mage, but maybe someone would listen.  
“Andy,” Diana’s voice dropped to a whisper, “Did you know?”  
Andy glared at Diana, “No.” she lied. It was easy to lie after all these years, “I knew he was planning something. But not this.”  
Diana searched the hall for a moment, “You knew? You knew and didn’t do anything?” she snarled in a whisper, her voice up an octave from rage.  
“I knew he was going to do something.” Andy clarified, “His manifesto suggested an act would announce the suffering of mages.”  
“And you didn’t do anything? You didn’t think to warn anyone?”  
Andy spun in her chair, the room spun with her, “What was I supposed to say?” she raised her eyebrow, “Mages are tired of being locked up and raped? Someone is going to do something about it?”  
Diana was trembling in rage, “This is all because of Rhonda. You would have done something, you would have stopped this!”  
Andy started to stand up, “No. I wouldn’t have.”  
Diana caught Andy’s arm and forced her to sit back down. She closed her eyes and took a breath, “Andy,” she said softly, “We’ve never talked about … Clark… and I’m here for you.”  
Andy closed her eyes and fell back into her seat, “Diana,” she had to calm down, but she didn’t know what to say. She had never talked to anyone about what happened, only Victor had been there. Everything had been swept under the rug. She still remembered that look in his eyes as he helped her stand up, “Thank you.” she finally decided to say.  
Andy glanced up at Diana and realized she had been talking while Andy had been in thought. For once, Andy wished, she would just listen instead of think.  
“I know things are bad Andy,” Diana was saying, “And I know things are worse elsewhere. But Ander’s actions are going to shine a very negative light on mages. We have to show them, we have to show the Chantry that we can control our own, that we can govern our own. That mages and templars can work together so things like this never happened again.”  
Andy looked up, her mind struggling to comprehend Diana’s serman and deduce what she had missed, “I think that time has passed.” Andy said finally.  
Diana caught Andy’s hands in hers, “It feels that way, I know. It won’t be long before the Divine reacts or the Templar sends their Seekers into every Circle in Thedas; which is why this is the perfect time for mages to unite. I know there are some Libertarians out there who cheered the destruction. But there are more than a small number who condone it. This is the opportunity we have all been waiting for. The Circles unite; we condone Anders and his decision to act murderously. We list the grievances for mages in the circles and suggest a solution! Mages and Templars working together to police the circles. Education in all major cities and towns so people learn to understand mages instead of fear them. Mages in the chantry. We need to stop being afraid of ourselves and start showing the world who we are.”  
Andy sighed, “It’s a pretty picture.” She agreed reluctantly. She hesitated before she spoke again, “Diana,” She warned, “An attack on the Chantry by a mage is possible the worst time to suggest mages in the Chantry. Mages and Templars working together after they have spent centuries with their boots over our throats. The Circles are broken, I don’t think they can be fixed.”  
“What if they could?” Diana suggested eagerly.  
Andy stood up, too many old memories were in her mind for her to take Diana’s bait “ You know what you missed in that shiny little future of yours? The tranquil.” Andy moved to walk away but a sudden understanding swept up in her mind. There was no way any templar would allow Diana’s ideas to leave Ostwick. The ideas were too dangerous. A governing body of mages seen as equals to the Chantry. That whisper alone could get Diana executed or made tranquil. But if that idea spread...Andy turned back to Diana.  
“You want the Tranquil Network.” Andy breathed and sat back down because it was a better option then falling down.  
Diana didn’t speak, slowly she nodded her head, “Just to send messages. Just to communicate.”  
“They’re already victims, now you want to use them as mules?”  
Diana gasped she froze with her mouth open. Suddenly her eyes flashed, “And how did you know about the attack? Information is already moving, why can’t mine?”  
“You are coming to me because you think I ‘control’ tranquil. They are still people, Diana. They can make their own decisions. You are not the first person to have ideas like this. I will not force anyone to carry your Aequitarian ideas around. But if you started to treat the Tranquil like people, you might have volunteers.”  
Diana stared at Andy for a long minute, she looked down at the table and then searched the hallway. She studied Andy again as if she expected her to sprout a second head, “What are you saying? I should ask?”  
Andy suddenly saw what Diana saw. Tranquils weren’t people to her. To her they were puppets. Andy sighed heavily, “Yes. Don’t tell me, tell them. Diana, they are people. You are one overheard word from becoming one of them. You might as well get to know them first.”

Andy spent the rest of the day in the stables, she mucked out the stalls, filled troughs, any type of physical activity that didn’t require her to think. Her mind was completely focused on what she had said to Diana, what she had read in Anders’ Manifesto, and further back to her harrowing, to Rhonda, to the fire. When she finally looked up, it was evening.  
She walked into the hall that evening to see all the templars lined along the walls. Andy looked up surprised, and then realized all the templars had their helms down. This was the first time she couldn’t see anyone’s face.  
Andy swallowed and played with her food, “What is happening?” She whispered over to Van. The man shook his head sadly, “They’re tightening our choke collars...what else?”  
Andy looked around the room. Diana sat on her hands, staring at her food; Andy could see how pale she was from here. The poor woman who loved a templar, Andy sighed, she doubted their love could survive this. Andy looked up to see Lydia rise to her feet. She searched the hall again. Everyone looked as scared as she felt.  
“Mages of Ostwick,” Lydia said over the whispers. The hall fell silent, “I know the rumors that are flooding our halls and it is time for the truth!”  
Andy felt Van’s hand reach for her under the table, she clung to him tightly.  
“Three days ago, a young, ill, mage attacked the Chantry at Kirkwall. As far as we know, there were no survivors.” Lydia swallowed. She closed her eyes but Andy knew it was for show. Lydia’s voice did not waver when she spoke next, “The attack caused the Knight Commander to act aggressively on the mages of Kirkwall and invoke the Right of Annulment.”  
Whispers erupted across the hall, it sounded like a pit of snakes. Andy swallowed her tongue. She suddenly felt Diana’s eyes on her, She saw one helmed templar turn slightly towards her, it had to Victor. Everyone else who knew of Andy’s Tranquil Network seemed to turn to her. Those who weren’t whispering were waiting for her to speak. She had to speak.  
Andy tightened her grip on Van. She could see the letter in her mind’s eye. The crisp clear letters from the Tranquil who had left Kirkwall right before. Andy shook her head and shut her eyes. She was a loyalist. She was a Trevelyn. Great in deed, modest in temper. But she couldn’t hold back her temper much longer.  
 _All I have to say you spoke to a spirit and then you’re all mine. I can do whatever I like to you._  
 _Finish the spell!_  
 _Rhonda’s been attacked, why won’t you help her!_  
 _We are looking into this the best we can._  
 _How dare you! An army threatens us because you think you can decide justice!_  
 _She doesn’t feel safe._  
 _She’s a tranquil! She doesn’t feel anything!_  
The voices rang in her head. She couldn’t hear the First Enchanter anymore. Andy closed her eyes. Great in deed, modest in temper. Modest in temper.  
Great in deed.  
“Lies!” she heard herself say. She realized she was standing, the entire hall hushed again. Her voice rang out again. It was shaking, she wasn’t sure if it was rage or fear but she couldn’t stop now, “That’s not what happened in Kirkwall.”  
Andy opened her eyes to see everyone staring at her, “I received multiple letters from tranquils at Kirkwall. These letters speak of the overuse and abuse of the Rite of Tranquility on mages in the tower. The circle was a prison where mages would rather die in attempts to escape then suffer there! The Knight Commander did not seek the Right of Annulment from the Divine, she did it of her own accord!”  
Andy watched as several templars approached her, “If you are going to tell us the truth, make sure to get it right. Anders had tried for years to get the Chantry in Kirkwall to help the mages in the Gallows. He acted because the Chantry did not!” She did not fight the templars who dragged her out of the hall. She deserved it, that much she knew.

Andy was locked in her room for two weeks. She paced every square inch until she had every grout line memorized. She hated herself for losing her temper like that. Her mother would be furious but her father would have enjoyed the spectacle. He had told her more than once that doing the right thing, even if it felt wrong was better than doing the wrong thing because it felt right. Andy should have told Diana what she knew. If Diana had spoken perhaps the other mages would have agreed with her. Maybe Ostwick would have done something. But she had spoken too soon and now she was being punished for it.  
Strangely though, the tranquil network did not suffer during her confinement. Considering that it was the Tranquil that brought Andy her meals, and the tranquil that organized the letters, she was getting more letters than when she was free to roam.  
The fourth day of her confinement First Enchanter Lydia entered her room with a knock. Andy barely hid the letter from the templar at Lake Calanhad before she entered.  
Andy jumped to her feet hoping her legs hid the secret drawer, “Ma’am!”  
“Sit down Trevelyan.” Lydia said tiredly, she sat down at the edge of Andy’s bed, “What in Fade were you thinking?” she snapped before Andy sat down, “That outburst? What did you think it would accomplish?”  
Andy swallowed, she had four days to think about it but she still didn’t have an answer, “I don’t know.” she finally said, “I was just so sick and tired of the lies--”  
“Don’t you think I’m sick of them too?” Lydia barked, “But in times like these the lies might be the only thing keeping this circle safe?”  
Andy weighed what Lydia implied, “From who?” She finally asked, “From Redrick? You have wrapped around your finger? From Ostwick? When was the last time the Teryn showed you any interest?”  
Lydia’s frown turned darker, “And when should I expect a Trevelyan army at the bridge?” The older woman stood up and started to pace, “You are acting like a child, Andriya! Redrick and I banter because it will only take an order from the Mother before he runs me through! I keep us away from Ostwick because we don’t need any more fear directed at us! Andriya you are a loyalist! Act like one.”  
Andy stood up, “I thought the Fraternities were dissolved First Enchanter.” Andy searched the room for her feelings, “I want to be a loyalist. I want the circles to protect the people and I want the people to be protected from bad mages. But I never signed up to be a beast. I never agreed to be a victim.” Andy clung to her desk, “We need the colleges because without them mages are dangerous, but we don’t need to be imprisoned for being born.”  
“The circle is not a prison!”  
Andy spun around, “I want to go home.”  
Lydia looked suddenly older than ever. Andy watched her open her mouth and then shut it quickly. Slowly she left the room. And slumped over desk, even if she called her father’s forces here, what good would it do? This would not blow over. What Anders started in Kirkwall was only the epicenter. It would only get worse.  
Three days before Andy finally got to leave her room she made one last desperate attempt for some form of sanity. Maybe Diana was right. Maybe if she could convince Redrick that mages and Templars could work together. Maybe they could find the balance needed.  
The knight commander sat at her desk. Her heart went out to the old man. She could see it in his eyes he hated the situation as much as she did.  
“Knight Commander, please,” Andy continued, “I am getting more letters every day, there are not just tranquils but mages, and even some templars who want to see this work!” Andy pulled out a box of letters, “The tranquil network is designed for Tranquils but we can use it for the circles as well!” She dug out a letter, “Read this,” she shoved it towards him, she kept pacing because she after reading it a hundred times she already knew what it said.  
“Chrissanthemine, daughter of a noble, she feels uncomfortable in Montsimmard because of her heritage. But if she was in Ferelden or even Ostwick..she could do her duty.” Andy dug through the pile again, “Here, an apprentice in Kirkwall, a loyalist. He is totally afraid of magic; doesn’t trust himself or going to the enchanters. If he was in a less hostile environment he could exal!”  
Andy studied Redrick for a moment pleading silently that he would agree. Redrick read the two examples slowly, then scanned a few more letters in the pile, “The Fraternities have been dissolved.”  
Andy struggled to follow his train of thought, “That shouldn’t matter!” She pushed. But Redrick shook his head.  
He rose from her desk and turned to her solemnly, “This is very Aequitarian--”  
“But it’s not!” argued Andy, “Because I’m asking you to support this...you are a templar! You are the control of the Chantry.”  
“Your Tranquil Network is hereby dissolved.”  
Andy froze, she stared at him for a solid moment, “You can’t do that.”  
The Knight Commander aged in front of her, “Andriya Trevelyan, I know you say you are a loyalist but does this look like a loyalist to you?” He motioned to the letters.  
Andy rose to her full height. Here was a man so stuck in his ways he couldn’t see the future, “Yes.” She answered, “Moving mages, templars, tranquil in the circles solves more than half the problems you are facing. We don’t feel safe here anymore!” Andy pulled at the letters, “They don’t feel safe anymore because we are trapped. If you give us the chance to explore, to see other parts of the world...don’t you think we would understand more?”  
Redrick shook his head, “And spread ideas, move ideas from one college to the other without oversight from the Chantry?”  
Andy threw her hands up in the air, “If you keep backing us into a corner, we will become the monsters you fear!”  
Redrick gripped his sword, “Is that a threat?”  
Andy swallowed her passion down. No one would ask twice about this if she died. He could say anything and the Chantry would believe them. Redrick drew his sword several inches out of it’s sheaf, the look in his eyes told Andy that he knew exactly what she was thinking. Andy felt her fight go out. The truth was all around him, but he refused to change course.  
“It’s the truth Knight Commander,” she said tiredly, “It’s the same truth that caused my father to march against the circle during the Blight, it’s the same truth that brought my great aunt to your door all those years ago. If we bend with the changes maybe it won’t break us.”  
Redrick opened the door but stayed in the doorway for a moment, “You say you’re a loyalist Trevelyan. You sure don’t act like it.”  
He shut the door but Andy stared at it wishing he would come back. Everything was falling apart around her. Everything was falling apart around him. They had reached a tentative relationship after everything that happened with Rhonda. He might have even thought Andy had forgiven his role in everything. Andy had never truly forgiven him, she had needed him, she had hoped to use him to keep the Tranquil Network alive.  
She gave a small sigh and gathered up her letters. Maybe she wasn’t a loyalist after all. She pushed her will toward the stack of papers they rearranged and to the unsuspecting eye was a book. Redrick would know she would never let the Network die, he would be watching her now. She smiled as she pushed the book onto the shelf, let him watch her. The network had grown and she would make sure it survive this even if the circles didn’t.  
As that thought crossed her mind, Andy shivered. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the circles being dissolved, it had never seemed possible. The circles had been around since Andraste’s death. The idea that these institutions would collapse after centuries, seemed like madness. It just seemed impossible for this to happen now, while she was alive. This was stuff that happened in books, or in her history lessons, not during Andy’s lifetime.  
The weight of the situation forced Andy to sit on the edge of her bed. She stared at her hands and wished for answers but no answers came. The only thought in her mind was everything falls.


	5. Asunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mages of Ostwick Circle struggle to decide their fate. Andy deals with the promise she made to protect the Tranquil and what that really means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first: This entire chapter is based on Asunder by David Gaider (I hope the title was enough). If you haven't read it, do it! It's a great read, and really sets up the war in Dragon Age Inquisition perfectly. I cannot recommended enough.

Andy reread the letter from the White Spire, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breath. She mentally reviewed the day to be sure she wasn’t in the fade. Here it was, the truth in her hands. The one thing she wanted, a cure, a way to bring Rhonda back. She could do it, she could research this, fix this, make right everything she had done wrong.

Andy stood up and circled her room, she wanted to run through the hallways and scream at everyone, she wanted to march in the First Enchanter’s office and demand she put her full energy into the research of a cure for tranquility. She looked down at the letter again.

Not yet, she told herself. She couldn’t reveal everything yet. When would this information reach Lydia? What would she do with this information? Would she do the same thing as Andy wanted and put all effort to find a cure or would she obey the chantry and burn this information.

_Fire doesn’t forget, someone always finds the truth, don’t they, Andy?_

Andy shivered and willed her spirit to shield her mind, she wouldn’t let Sloth in. Especially now, now that forgiveness was in sight.

_She won’t forgive you._

Andy gritted her teeth and solidified her mental wall. She could sense it, still on the hunt for the anvil, a way inside her head. The rest of the night Andy got no sleep. Her mind longed for answers, she would fix this. She had to fix this.

The next morning Andy sat down next to Diana. She wanted to tell her about the letter, about the vote and about the cure but she kept silent. The two of them were now watched closely by the templars, it seemed the Knight Commander was serious about the end of the Tranquil Network. Andy smiled at her plate, the more the templars and the chantry moved to shut down the network the stronger it seemed to grow.

Andy’s family connections gave her the ability to move people seamlessly, and there was enough individual support within the circles that tranquils were safe. Diana, on the other hand, was so eloquent with her ideas, the documents and opinion articles she let move through the circle were the cause of several debates throughout the magical community. More people seemed to agree with the merger of the Chantry and mages than Andy first thought.

Diana’s napkin dropped to the floor, Andy twitched before she picked it up, she glanced at the note written on it.

_I read it too._

Andy gasped before returning it to Diana, she wished the templars would move away so they could speak. Diana gave a ghost of a nod before she stared at her food. It seemed neither of them could eat with the information that weighed on their stomachs.

First Enchanter Lydia stood up suddenly, she raised her staff and the hall and a light flashed through the room followed by a gong that echoed. The entire hall fell silent and turned to her. Andy watched Redrick, he had moved swiftly, as if he didn’t expect this from her.

“Mages of Ostwick Circle!” Lydia began, her voice even and calm, “You are all aware of these trying times between the Circle of Magi and the Chantry since the attack at Kirkwall. All of Thedas has learned of what mages can do and their fear of us have grown. Even now, the people of Ostwick wait for us to march upon them and burn the city to the ground.” Lydia looked around, “We know their fear is misplaced. We know this fear is born because of apostates, not of us Maker fearing mages. It seems that numerous circles believe that this is the time to divide and not unite for the great of Thedas. At the White Spire in Val Royal, the circles will meet. We will find a way to restore what was lost.”

“Oh Maker’s breath!” Diana snapped her voice echoed above Lydia’s, “Stop spreading fear!”

Diana stood on the table she looked around and shook her head, “Look around,” She said, “Look at you all believe every word she spits, because why? She was elected First Enchanter. She’s not the Grand Enchanter! She’s not Wynne! She’s a terrified old woman afraid of change. It’s too late though! Change is here, whether you welcome it or not! Yes, what happened at Kirkwall was bad. It was awful, people died. But before that, people were dying for a long time. Maybe they died from submitting to demons, or maybe they died from tranquility. The circles aren’t asking for a miracle. We just want the Chantry to stop killing us.”

Diana looked around, “Divine Justinia is trying to do that. She is trying to listen to us, she is trying to help us and Thedas at the same time.” She gave a small glance at Andy, Andy responded with the smallest nod.

Diana turned back to the room, “There is going to be a vote. A vote at the White Spire, representatives from every circle will be there. It is our chance to speak for ourselves, a chance for us to truly decide our future, not just as mages, but as citizens of Thedas. We are not monsters, we are people. We are not demon worshiping fiends; we are devout followers of the Maker,” she glanced over at a few elves, “followers of the Old Gods. We can never go back to the way things were. We can only move forward. When Andastre marched on Teventer she knew she could never go back. What she wanted to create has been lost in time. We are children of the Maker, we were born with these gifts. The Maker wouldn’t have made us this way if he didn’t have a plan for us. And if he truly loves us, and that is what Andraste tell us, he means for us to do more with our gifts than be locked away like swords.”

Andy started to open her mouth, but Diana threw her hand out to stop her, “This isn’t the only discussion that will be at the White Spire.” Diana looked around again, “They have reason to believe…” she paused, “There is a chance, albeit a small one, they have found a cure for the rite of tranquility.”

The hall went quiet, then the whispers started to grow into an uproar, Andy watched, for the first time in memory, everyone’s attention was focused on the grey dressed Tranquil. The Tranquil blinked and looked around but said nothing. No one paid them that much attention before, suddenly they were under so much scuritney.

Andy thought she heard thunder in the distance, she blinked, and then realized it wasn’t thunder. The templars marched into the hall, their helms down as the mages all stood up at once. Suddenly people yelled, orders were barked, someone screamed. Andy was shoved into someone, she struggled to stand up, “Diana!” she barked, “We have to go!”

They had said too much. The leaders of the Tranquil Network had revealed too much of their information. Andy reached up for Diana’s hand, the dark haired woman seemed shocked by the chaos around them before she reached down to Andy.

“Follow me!” Van appeared next to her, he pushed several people out of the way as he half lead, half dragged Andy and Diana toward the door.

“Do you think I made Redrick mad?” Diana shook her head as she yelled in Andy’s ear.

“I think you made the entire Chantry angry.” Andy said to herself.

A gauntlet pinned Andy’s shoulder, “Not so fast.”

Both Andy and Diana looked at the templars that had surrounded them, for a moment Andy relieved a nightmare before the two helmed men pushed Van aside, “The First Enchanter will see you in her office.”

Diana raised her perfect eyebrow at Andy, “I’m sure she can’t wait.”

Andy closed her eyes, this wasn’t exactly how she imagined she would be made tranquil. She thought it would be over the fire, or her harrowing at the least.

Lydia rose from her desk as the templars guided Andy and Diana into her office. The normally pale woman’s face was red, and for a wild moment, Andy was certain her eyes were glowing with rage. Lydia studied them for a moment, her jaws pronounced as she grinded her teeth together, “What,” she stared carefully, “where you two thinking out there!” she started soft and ended with a scream, “You think you are so special because of network, you think you new ideas are going to save us?”

Lydia stormed to Diana, she was a head shorter than the younger woman but still screamed at her, “You think your so clever, you don’t know what it’s like outside the circle! That last time you were outside these walls you were four and making it snow! They would have burned you without the templars!”

Lydia spun and turned to Andy, “And you! Don’t get me started on you and your precious connections! Who is going to be this time? Your family’s mercenary band? Your great grandmother with the lease agreement of this tower? You manipulative little cunt!”

Andy bit her cheek to stop her response, she trembled slightly but glared equally back at Lydia.

Lydia slowly calmed down with several deep breaths, “Do you understand what you have done?”

Andy glanced over at Diana, she didn’t trust herself to speak. Diana warned her silently to let her lead before she turned back to Lydia, “Yes.” she said carefully, “We took power away from you and Knight Commander Redrick.”

Lydia shook her head, a mix of disgust and defeat, “It is my duty as first enchanter to lead this tower, to keep its occupants safe. You have turned this into a madhouse!”

“No.” Diana stepped forward, “No, I revealed to you what we all already knew, you have no control here. There hasn’t been for some time. We have been following a blind tradition built on fear and hate for invaders...not our own citizens. I agree that the way this came about is not the best, but we have no choice but to accept the start and move on. You cannot make a decision for the circle anymore. What we did in the hall...we gave the decision to them.”

Lydia glanced between Andy and Diana, “You wanted this to come to a vote, didn’t you? You planned this. You and stupid network.”

Lydia shook her head with a sigh, she chewed her cheek for a moment before she slouched almost as if she felt defeated, “You two… “ she started and then shook her head again, “.... do you really think I’m willing to blindly follow the chantry so I can hold on to a little bit control?”

Andy had not been expecting a sudden insight into Lydia, she glanced over at Diana, who was focused on Lydia with narrow eyes. Andy glanced between the two women for a moment.

“You are right, change is inevitable,” Lydia continued softly, “but actions like this, choices made by emotions rather than logic, will make this a violent time. If we, as mages, cannot control ourselves, this will end in a war. We have had enough death in the Circles, we don’t need to drag all of Thedas into our problems.”

Andy felt as if the last bit was directed at her. Diana hesitated so Andy spoke, “This isn’t a mage problem, First Enchanter,” Andy argued, “This is a Thedas problem. This as always been a Thedas problem--”

“The more we keep mages behind closed doors, the more people will fear us.” Diana stepped forward, “You’re right, this could become a violent time. But that was already decided in Kirkwall. And if people are going to be risking their lives, they have a right to choose how.”

The three women faced off for a moment. It was suddenly evident to Lydia that between Diana’s silver tongue and Andy’s connections she didn’t have a chance to stop the network or stop them from exposing the secrets of the circle.

Lydia shook her head again, “Then we vote, Maker watch over us.”

Lydia waved her hand to tell Diana and Andy she was done with them, she turned and rested her hands on her desk, her face hidden. Andy quickly glanced between her and Diana. She swallowed hard, “Will the Tranquil vote?”

“No.” Lydia and Diana said in unison.

Lydia turned back and smirked, “Finally something we agree on?” she asked Diana before she turned back to Andy.

“There’s a cure!” Andy argued, “They can be mages again. Don’t they have a right to decide their fate?”

“There _might_ be a cure.” Lydia corrected coldly, “I’m assuming you know of the side effects?”

Andy swallowed hard, she mentally reviewed the letter, and remained silent.

“I take that as a no.” Lydia shook her head, “The tranquil who was cured...he has no control over his emotions. He cannot stop laughing, then he cannot stop crying. He has no self control, he can hardly care for himself.” Lydia turned back to her desk before she spoke again, “The details a few, but it seems quite a few people died in finding this cure.”

Lydia spun back around, her eyes cold and hard, “Some of the tranquil were made that way because they were dangerous. How dangerous do you think they will be if they have no control over their emotions? No control over their powers? No training to fight demons?”

Andy didn’t bother to look at Diana, she knew the mage agreed with the first enchanter. Andy reluctantly nodded. She had used up all of her fight earlier. She nodded her defeat and Diana followed her out of the room. The vote would decide how much fight she had left in her. 

The vote ended in a riot. Andy couldn’t help but agree with Lydia while mages charged each other in the hall; it was a madhouse. A tied vote, Andy thought she would only read about something as impossible as this. Van led her out of the hallway as Diana worked to get control over the situation. Andy had torn herself from his grasp and helped guide several tranquil who had been assisted in the vote out into the quieter hall.

Dominic turned to Andy as she watched from the doorway, “Was this a predicted outcome?” he asked.

Andy shook her head, “It was either going to end in blood or cheers.”

“If this continues, blood will be possible.”

Andy was almost embarrassed for the mages. The first chance they got to act like citizens; they acted like animals. If the Divine looked in on this now, the circles would remain as is forever. Andy looked over at the high table, the light of the lighthouse reflected in rhythm over Lydia’s face. Lydia was focused on Andy, even at a distance Andy could see the smirk on the First Enchanter’s face. Andy’s temper erupted in the back of her mind, her face turned red with rage. Lydia motioned slowly for Redrick to sit and let the mages fight it out. The victorious smile cut into Andy. The woman she had admired enjoyed that Andy and Diana had been wrong. Andy shook her head, her fingernails cut into her palms as she started back into the room. If Lydia wanted a madhouse, she would get one.

A flash of light blinded Andy for a moment, followed by a foghorn that echoed in the hall. Shouts of surprise and groans from the sudden light caused the riots to stop. Andy blinked rapidly, she looked around as she tried to regain her vision. A figure was on a table, Andy blinked harder, as the person began to speak.

Andy shook her head, she should just get Diana a podium rather than her to keep standing on tables.

“Enough!” Diana repeated, “We are mages, or we are the animals the Chantry tells us we are?” Her voice rang out over the groans and soft arguments of the hall, “We have been given the chance to make history and the first challenge we come across we fight. Do you think this will be our only challenge as mages?”

Diana looked around the room, her eyes wide and hands open. Everyone was focused on her now, even Lydia seemed interested in what she had to say.

“This vote, here, is for Ostwick Circle,” Diana continued, “And no one else. If we can not care for each other, if we cannot stand together, if we face trials and turn on each other; we deserve nothing less than the chains they bind us in.’

‘We have been divided for centuries, we have been divided from the rest of Thedas, we have been further divided by the circles, by the fraternities within these circles. We have been divided from our friends and our families. And we have been told that divide is to keep us safe. It keeps us safe from demons, it keeps us safe from dangerous people, it keeps us safe from dangerous beliefs. But that’s the not case. All that has done is make us not trust one another, not lean on one another. So when times like this arrive, we fight instead of reason.”

Andy looked around the room. Several others either looked sheepishly at the person they had fought with, or in shame at their feet. Some glared at Diana and shook their heads, but were silent.

“We have been given a choice,” Diana’s voice rang clear, “The world has changed and all eyes focus on mages. Now it is the time to show all of Thedas who we are. They may have taken us away from our homes, but that did not make us orphans. They may have made us decided what to believe of our power, but that does not make us powerless. They may have taught us to hate the templars, but that doesn’t make them our enemies. They may have taught us to hate ourselves, but that doesn’t make us monsters,” Diana let that hang in the air, “unless we allow it.’

‘We have been given a choice. We can take what is broken and fix it. We can choose to remake the circles, repair what has always been and restart. Or we can walk away, build something new. Something that has never been seen before. And that is what we get to choose. We are responsible for the fate of Thedas.’

‘That is a heavy weight to bear...alone. And we don’t bear it alone. Every circle is facing this choice as well. And all of Thedas watches. We can show them, we are not the monsters they fear. We don’t lash out when we face trials. We don’t assault one another. We are citizens of Thedas, and we will act like such.”

Diana looked around the hall as everyone seemed to digest her words. She nodded after several minutes of silence and the murmurs started to get louder, “The mages of Ostwick Circle will be in control of their emotions as we prepare for a second vote.”

No one argued with Diana as the hall cleared. Diana watched them for a moment before she stepped down from the table. Andy smiled softly as she walked over. Diana sighed heavily but said nothing. Andy didn’t speak either. Hopefully that would keep everyone calm until the next vote. Victor walked over and removed his helmet, "I love you." He told Diana with a small grin.

Diana gave a small grin and winked, "It felt long winded."

Andy weighed the observation, "It was a bit." 

Victor smirked again, "My favorite bit was templars aren't the enemy. That's going to go over really well."

No one missed the sarcasm. 

The next morning Andy was surprised to see a level of calm over Ostwick. Some of the Enchanters made classes mandatory. Enchanter Winston offered extra credit for any apprentice who could repeat Diana’s speech from the night before. Andy walked out of class with a smirk as Van and the others groaned and tried again.

Andy reluctantly wandered into the main hall, she searched the room but it was foolish. Diana was surrounded by mages, she was a natural leader and if anyone could swing votes it would be her. Andy watched her for a moment before she turned and left. She made her way down the lighthouse, into the bedrock where the Tranquil rooms where.

Slowly, Andy went to each one and spoke softly, Diana would kill her if she knew what she was about to do. But Andy couldn’t help herself. She made small tick marks on a paper in her hand. Dominic watched her after they talked, Andy shook so hard she could hardly mark the paper.

He glanced between her and the paper. Andy gave a tight smile as she finished their vote.

“Master Trevelyan,” Dominic called to her. Andy stopped and looked back, Dominic stared at her, “I suggest you get a new quill.”

Andy wanted to smile but she could only nod.

Diana would not be happy with Andy’s vote. Someone had to represent the tranquil. They had to have a choice. Andy would sacrifice her own vote for them.

That night the second vote was counted. The hall was as excited as it had been that first night. Even the apprentices seemed to be on their best behavior, they sat together with their backs straight. Andy watched as Lydia looked at Dominic as she read the counted votes. Slowly she stood up, Andy held her breath as Lydia studied the hall.

“The vote from Ostwick Circle...is a tie.”

Her words hung in the air. A collective groan filled the halls, a few people actually laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Andy felt her stomach sink. She looked down at the table. She was about to be sick. What had she done?

Diana rolled her eyes and leaned back, she shook her head at Andy and started to march up to Lydia. Andy focused on her breath, she wanted to cry. What had she done? Why? Why did she do this?

Lydia tapped her staff as the halls whispers became louder. The mages instantly went quiet as Diana, Redrick and Lydia stood together at the rise, “After some thought and some discussion; it has been decided that Ostwick Circle will not travel to Val Royal. Ostwick Circle will be united in abstaining from the vote. Maker watch over us all.”

At first, there was no news from the White Spire. And then the truth reached Ostwick. The fight, the arrests, the murders, the escape, and then the assassination. The templars seemed to tighten their grip even tighter now that it seemed the Seeker was murdered. Fights between mages and templars were on the regular now. They were start with snide remarks, then fists, then weapons. Everything was a tinderbox ready to burn.

Van and several classmates took to guarding the phylactery room, he swore to anyone who listened the templars would use their vials to slaughter them all. Andy half believed him, it would be easy for the Divine to call for the right of annulment for everyone. She could wipe the slate clean and history would be none the wiser. 

“Andy!” A voice cut into her thoughts, Andy jumped and gasped. She searched the hall, surprised to see Van. He was outside the Phylactery Room, on the floor. Andy looked around confused, she wasn't even sure how she got her, her mind had drifted so far. Van held out his hands in annoyance. She winced inwardly, apparently she hadn’t heard him the first few times, “What are you doing down here?”

She tried to smile at Van but her face didn’t move, “Have you seen Diana?”

Van motioned with his head further down the hall, “She’s with Victor.”

Andy hesitated for a moment before she sat down next to Van, “Well, I will wait.” Van chuckled, but didn’t say anything for a moment.

They sat outside the door in an awkward silence. Everything seemed to be awkward now. Diana had mentioned building something new, this was new.

“It’s over,” Andy heard herself whisper, she just needed to fill the silence, “The survivors voted...by fraternities this time, its over.”

Van sat up straight, he searched the hall and turned back to Andy, “What?” he repeated.

Andy nodded she couldn’t look at him, “Lydia will announce it tonight.” Andy waved a note in her hand, “Diana needs to know. She needs to make a speech.”

Van cautiously took the note as if he half expected it to burn him. scanned the letter, he looked at Andy with a strange look in his eyes, as if he had never seen her before, “You should.” He suggested, “You should make the speech.”

Andy did smile at that, “Me? No,” she shook her head, “I have a temper. I lie,” she glanced at Van under her hair, “I’m not a hero.”

Van frowned, “You could be,” He offered, “If you wanted to be.”

Andy laughed, “Be like Hawke?” she shook her head, “The Hero of Ferelden?” she shook her head, “No, that’s Diana. She will talk them all down, she will lead everyone. She can bend.”

“I can what?” Diana asked as she and Victor stepped from the side office. She looked like she had been in tears moments ago. Victor looked worse, his skin pale and his lips heavily chapped. This obviously hadn't been in their usual rendezvous. 

Andy didn’t speak, she handed Diana the letter. Diana’s face went from red, to pale, to red again. She slowly passed the letter to Victor who swallowed hard.

He swore under his breath, he searched Diana’s face then Andy’s, “I have to get to Knight Commander, I don’t know what is going to happen.”

Andy nodded her eyes wide, “Will he kill us?”

Victor put on his helm, “I don’t think so," he hesitated, "but these are crazy times.”

“That’s reassuring,” Van whispered, no one laughed.

They walked up from the hall together, Victor nodded to Diana as they stepped into the main hall, “I have to go.” He said, Andy could tell he was only spoke to Diana.

Diana nodded, “I should, I should speak with Lydia. We need to make a plan.”

She watched as Victor turned to the templar quarters before she turned to Andy, “Are you coming?”

Andy hesitated and then shook her head, “The Tranquil, I have to protect them. Get them safe.”

Andy could feel Van watch them, she could sense he wanted to say something but she didn’t give him the chance. She had to be focused now. She had promised herself to keep the Tranquil safe, as dangerous as the circles could be, the outside world would be far more cruel to them.

Domonic sat with the other tranquils, they were all sitting at the small round table, waiting for someone to give them directions. Andy gave a swift nod to both Van and Diana before she walked swiftly to the group of tranquil.

She pulled a chair from the always empty tables that surrounded them, she waited for all of them to look over at her with empty eyes before she spoke, “ The Circles have been dissolved.Do you understand what that means?” She asked them gently. She was surprised her voice wasn’t shaking. It should be shaking, shouldn’t it?

“Yes,” Domonic answered, the others nodded their heads in agreement, “What will happen to us?”

Andy looked around the hall, why weren’t answers posted somewhere, “I can try to find you some jobs. Things like you do here. At libraries, colleges, within the Chantry maybe. If that would be agreeable?”

“I would like to stay here Mage Trevelyan. I am comfortable here.” Domonic answered simply.

Andy nodded her understanding, “I understand Domonic and I will try to make sure you will keep your duties here for as long as possible. With the Circles dissolved, this might become a dangerous place.”

“I would like to be safe.” Sarah replied softly, “I would like my duties to remain similar.”

Andy nodded, “I will find that opportunity for you Sarah.” She stood up slowly, “Diana will speak with Lydia about keeping Ostwick Circle as normal for as long as possible.”

“The lease agreement to the lighthouse was between the Trevelyan family and Chantry.” Dominic said. Andy flinched at those words.

“Yes,” she agreed reluctantly, “I hope to do something with that.”

As she left the table, her mind struggled to connect the dots. It was over, the circles were gone, her entire life was...different now. What would this mean for children whose magic was about to awake? What would this mean for mages who fell to demons? What about the templars? What would they do? It seemed like the entire world had started to spin in the wrong direction.

Van waved her over to his table, he searched her face, then wrapped his hands around her fingers, she could half hear his voice, she knew he had hoped to comfort her but her mind was too full to allow him in. Andy looked up as the First Enchanter--- no, Lydia, Redrick and Diana walked into the hall. They were all pale, the Knight Commander---no Redrick looked angry. Andy looked back to Van and wished she could smile but her face didn’t work.

Lydia stood in front of everyone, she didn’t bother with a spell, the entire hall was silent. She looked around for a moment before she spoke, “From this day forward the Circle of Magi are hereby dissolved.” A shockwave seemed to go out from Lydia across the hall. The light from the tower reflected inward for several rotations before sound seemed to return to the hall. Laughter, cries, groans could be heard throughout the hall but nothing louder than a whisper.

Andy watched as Lydia lifted up her staff as she spoke. Lydia motioned to Diana who stood up and spoke as well but Andy couldn’t hear them. She stared at her hands, her mental list of what to do to help the tranquil. Without a thought Andy felt herself stand up. She slowly walked to the door of the main hall. “Mage, where are you going?” asked one of the templar next to the door, he had moved so Andy couldn’t push it open. Andy stared at him for a moment. She looked around to see everyone was now focused on her.

Andy turned back to the templar, “Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, sorry about the wait! This was another tough one to write. There was a number of things I wanted to address, I wanted to focus on Diana and her ability to lead people, I wanted to suggest Van's relationship with Andy, and even the relationships between Redrick and Lydia or more specifically the relationships between templars and mages. But I didn't want to get dragged into too deep into each of these things.  
> Anyways I'm really excited for the next few chapters. With these first five, I had to do research (thank you Dragon Age Fandom!) but moving forward is all original stuff. And then we will finally hit Dragon Age Inquisition!


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy finally goes home. It is over. There are no more Circles. She can finally be with her family. Except life happens to everyone, and apparently her family's life hasn't been so wonderful.

“Andy, wait!” a voice called to her. 

Andy turned her horse, she reached for her will. They couldn’t stop her. They had no power over her anymore. She wouldn’t allow them to stop her now. She blinked in surprised as Van stopped in front of the gate. Andy stared at him. His eyes were wide and desperate but she wasn’t sure what he wanted. She slowly led her horse to the bridge and studied Van closer. 

He looked nervous, he licked his lips and searched the grounds. Andy’s horse stomped her foot and tossed her head, ready to go. 

“Andy,” he started and shook his head, he looked around again as if he expected to find the words he wanted. Andy watched in silence, finally Van spoke, "You don't know?" 

That’s why he had stopped her. Andy felt her face turn red. She had guessed as much, she had hoped that her subtle rejections would stop his advances or quell his feelings but she had been wrong. 

"Van...I..." She knew what he wanted her to say. It would be easier for her to say it. What was another lie? She bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t lie to him. She knew she couldn’t hide her feelings. He could see it too. Van looked to the ground, Andy wished she could do something. 

"Would you be willing to at least....try?" He finally asked. Andy studied his face for a moment. What was she supposed to say to that? She couldn't break his heart. He was her friend, but wouldn't this be worse?

"Okay," She agreed but inwardly wished she had resisted, "But Van, I have to go. I have to. For the Tranquil."

Van's smile seemed out of place or if he wasn't sure he should be happy, "I just want to make sure you will come back." 

"I will come back Van," Andy heard herself say, she wasn't sure if she was lying or not, "But I have to try first." 

Van nodded, "I know." he agreed, he held both her hands in his and studied her fingers, "I just don't want you to forget about us. You have always said you wanted to go home, but..." he hesitated, "for some of us, this is our home Andy." He searched her face again, "You make it our home." 

Andy bit her lip, very slowly she rose up on her tip toes and gave him a small kiss, "I know," She whispered, "Someone has to protect the tranquil." 

Van nodded, he pulled her closer to him and wrapped her in a hug, "Just come back." 

Andy nodded and pulled herself away from him, "I have to go." She squeezed his hand and stepped out of his reach. She lead the mare away and mounted before the bridge. 

She knew he was still in the doorway, he probably hoped that she would turn and motion to him but she didn't. Andy felt like she needed a bath. She wasn't sure why she kissed him, or why she agreed to try with him. She felt like a character in a book, she said what he wanted to hear not how she felt. 

But then again, Andy realized, she wasn't sure how she felt. Maybe she did care for him. She should at least see if she did. At least give him the chance. There had been that small voice inside of her that thought maybe, maybe it could work. Maybe if she got out of her own head, she would see Van was wonderful. He was nice, he was sassy, he was even cute. But then again she wasn't sure that she cared for him like she had cared for Grant. Grant had hurt her deeply. She wasn't sure if she would ever get over it, or trust so willingly again. Grant had only used her to try and gain power. Part of her feared that in his own way Van would use her. Why were relationships so complicated?

Andy encouraged the horse to pick up her pace. The further she got along the road the more Van faded from her thoughts and a new thought arose. She was going home, she could feel the years of the circle start to melt off of her, she was finally free. 

It was early evening when Lydia had made the announcement, Andy reached her family’s estate by dusk. The willow lined road that lead to the family mansion was on the northern side of Ostwick. It was surrounded by 950 hectres, an arc of pastures between Ostwick and the north. Her home was on the far side of the property, on a hill that could see the city lights. The lake cabin and the stables were further to the west. Andy stopped her horse at the gate. She closed her eyes and listened to the leaves whisper in the breeze. She couldn’t smell the salty air this far from the coast. Instead she smelt earth and sap, even wet hay and clover. Andy horse nodded her head, hinting at Andy to ride on but Andy didn’t listen. She kept the horse near the drive, hesitant to move forward. 

The last time she had come home, her father had marched on the lighthouse during the blight. They had spent that year at the lake house. It had been her father and her three elder brothers; her mother and her two youngest brothers had been in Starkhaven with her family. At the time she hadn’t questioned it, or she had been too afraid to question it further. The last time she had been in her family’s home was when she was eight. Andy swallowed hard, she refused to relive the day she was taken to the circle but the day replayed anyways. 

Her vision swam with the memories; she could see it play out before her. It had started out as any other day. Her mother had company, so she had told Andy to watch baby Tobin and little Erick. Tobin had fussed, and Erick was upset, so Andy had touched the water on the pond. Ice flowers floated across the lake, the sunlight reflected off the ice and made the children laugh. It had been so innocent. But then Andy felt her mother pull her away from her brothers; she had screamed so much it hurt her throat, her mother had hugged Andy so tight she thought she might not breath. Her father had appeared and pulled them apart, her mother’s nails had scratched her arms and scalp. Andy had not understood what she had done, not until the next day when Lydia came and took her to Ostwick Circle. 

“Hey!” a voice shouted from further down the road. 

Andy’s horse jerked in surprise, along with her, they both struggled to calm down before they faced the speaker. Andy blinked several times; she was still half stuck in the past. Once she got control of her horse, she turned to the other rider and gasped. 

It was her father. Andy blinked, no it was a younger version of her father. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. 

“Are you deaf?” Henrick demanded as he rode up to her, “What are you--” The broad shoulder man stopped, he checked his horse, the war stallion stomped his foot as the man’s voice caught in his throat, “Andy?”

Andy tried to remember how to breath but she couldn’t, “Henrick?”

The stallion nodded his head, eager for the introduction to be over. Henrick ignored him, his throat swallowed several times, “Is it really you?” he finally asked. She could hear the tears in his voice. She realized her cheeks were wet. 

She nodded and struggled to dismount, “Yes.” she smiled, the tension in her shoulders seemed to melt off of her. 

Henrick half fell, half dismounted and suddenly Andy was in a tight hug. Henrick lifted her off the ground and swung her in a circle. His laugh echoed down the road. Andy laughed with him as she struggled to hug him back and beg him to set her down. 

“Let me look at you,” Henrick set her down and studied her with dark narrow eyes, his finger brushed under her eyes, “What’s this?”

Andy had forgotten about the mark, “Nothing, nothing,” she waved him off, “Look at you. I thought you were Father!”

“You’re beautiful,” Henrick interrupted, “Andirya. I can’t believe you’re here.”

Andy felt the warmth of their reunion fade, “The Circles have been dissolved. I’m…” she hesitated, “I wanted to come home.” 

Henrick hugged her again, “Welcome home.” He pulled back with a grin, “Vanessa is going to lose her mind.” 

Still smiling he mounted up and motioned for Andy to follow. Instead of going up to the manor, Henrick led her down the road before they turned west. They reached the stables and from there to the stable house, it all seemed like a dream. 

Every greeting was a blur, her father drunkenly spun her around, his tears staining her shoulder as he held her. His gray beard stained with her tears. Rodrick was lean like their mother, he didn’t cry but held her as if he was afraid she would disappear. Even though Andy had never seen Vanessa, Henrick’s wife swept her in a hug and kissed her cheeks like long lost friends. Nathan was put into Andy’s arms before she could react, the happy toddler laughed with everyone else even though he wasn’t sure why. 

Andy awoke the next morning with her arm asleep, and Nathan’s feet on her chest. He must have crawled into bed with her that night. She gently wormed herself out from under him into the kitchen. Vanessa was there, her eyes tired but she smiled big as Andy came to help with breakfast. For a split second Andy was nervous, what if Vanessa didn’t like her and it was all an act? That fear was gone as soon as Vanessa spoke, there was such a clever sparkle in her eyes and a calm that Andy knew she was safe with her. 

Henrick and Rodrick came in from the stables as Nathan dragged a nug toy into the kitchen, tears in his eyes as he motioned for his mother to hold him. Henrick lifted him up, which set off the tears. Vanessa laughed and comforted her tired son with a half eye roll at her husband. Their father wandered in, a beer in one hand. He paused at the door, a huge smile on his face as he studied the room. 

Afterwards, Rodrick dragged Andy to see the stables, the warhorses he trained for the Orlesian Chevaliers, and the smaller scouting breed that made the Trevelyan family famous. Andy laughed at the banter between her brothers and the stable-hands. 

The entire day felt like a dream, everything seemed to blur into the next moment. Andy half wondered if this wasn’t some demonic vision it was so perfect. Her uncle removed stopped by to welcome her home, as well as several cousins who worked for Great Aunt Betsey and their family matriarch. That evening, Andy and Rodrick were up late, finally able to play their king’s chess match in person. 

The door swung open without a knock. Andy leapt to her feet, her magic pooled into her hands, the red haired templar searched the room, his face hard. He crossed the room before Andy could react, and with a roar spun her in a hug. Andy screamed with laughter and relief, as Markus lifted her up as high as he could with another animalistic roar. 

Henrick tumbled out of his bedroom, a sword in his hand. He shook his head and motioned for Vanessa to follow him out as he slapped Markus’s back a little harder than a typical greeting would call for. Nathan came into the room, his sobs half drowned out by Markus's laughter. The sobs turned to shrieks of terror as Markus spun him around as well. Vanessa and Andy reheated food for the third brother. It was another late night for the Trevelyan family. 

The fourth day, the dream started to fade. Andy couldn’t ignore the reason she had left the circle and she was tired of the hidden truths she could see all around her. She wondered if her temper would expose her concerns before she could corner one of her siblings about it. Henrick was a master of deception, he was able to talk himself out of any question Andy asked. Markus was more blunt about his refusal to answer her questions, but Andy knew she could get the truth out of Rodrick. The opportunity presented itself later that day when a messenger rode up to the stables. 

Andy, Henrick, and a number of stable-hands were camped along the fence as Rodrick worked to break a colt. The hands laughed, several spoke elven insults as the colt kicked Rodrick off again. He dusted himself off, shook his head and cornered the animal again. 

“Message for Andriya Trevelyan?” a voice said from behind them. 

Andy raised her hand but didn’t look over, “Roddy, try again!” she called out, “I’m sure you’ll get it this time!”

“You’re supposed to be mucking stalls you little--” Rodrick didn’t finish as the colt twisted from him and darted away. 

Andy smiled at the messenger and gave the boy a copper before she opened the letter. She had tried to ignore his green eyes, he couldn’t be much older than Erick, who was probably sixteen now. She scanned the letter and smiled. 

“What is it?” Henrick asked, he watched the messenger leave the field with a tight jaw. Andy watched him glance over to their father, who was half asleep near the door of the house. 

“Great Aunt Betsey.” Andy showed him, “She wants to discuss hiring programs for tranquils now that the circles are dissolved.”

Henrick nodded, was silent for a moment, “We might be interested in hiring one. I work on the books but it would be nice to have someone focused on it.”

Andy nodded, “I want to have a hard vetting system. Safety, good pay, roof over their heads. Tranquils are easily abused.” 

Henrick nodded, his eyes darted back to the house, “We just need one. And Vanessa would slaughter anyone who pestered them.” 

Andy smiled at the vision of Vanessa with a weapon in her hand and Nathan on her hip, “I believe it.” 

“You haven’t seen her when I get home late from drinks with the boys.” Henrick shook his head as if he hoped to shake the memory from his mind, “Scary stuff, sis.” 

Andy laughed and turned to Markus as he walked out of the house, dressed in training leathers, “Excuse me, while I go show Markus how it’s done.” She leaped off the fence to meet the young templar

Henrick didn’t answer only shook his head then yelled something inappropriate at Rodrick. 

  
  


The next morning Andy and Rodrick rode to Ostwick together. Andy knew her brothers were still worried about her safety, and to be honest, she was as well. Andy chewed her lip and looked over at Rodrick as he studied the pastures with a critical eye. She glanced around and urged her horse to catch up with her brother, “Rodrick,” she started, “What happened to father?”

Rodrick gave a small groan, he scratched at his beard, “Maker, Andy.” he hesitated, “It’s a long story.” He shifted his weight, “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you.”

Andy glared at him, “I’m not blind Rodrick!” she argued, “I’m not an idiot.” She moved so that his horse was forced to stop, “Rodrick, there are too many little kids with his eyes. He constantly has a drink in his hand. And why is he at the lake house? Where’s Erick, where’s Toby, where’s mother?” Suddenly all the hurts Andy had kept to herself spilled out, “She’s never written to me once. And I might pretend like I don’t notice, but I can tell that both you and Henrick have been watching the estate! The little messenger boy had our eyes! Henrick ran out of the room with a sword!” Andy searched her brother’s face, “Roddy,” she begged, “Don’t keep this from me.” 

Rodrick groaned, he swore and urged his horse around Andy, “Maker damn it all,” he swore to himself, “Andy--it’s,” he stopped his horse and stared at the ground before he spoke.

“After you left, mother went mad.” Rodrick let the words hang in the air for a moment before he continued, “She locked herself in with Toby and Erick, and refused to see father. She ordered Ben to dig up the graves of Lily and Elise to burn them.” Rodrick looked over at Andy for a moment, “She blamed you for their deaths. Henrick overheard her say that the Maker had killed them because they had magic but because you were named after Andraste, you survived. She wished she had given you a different name.”

Andy felt sick. She couldn’t believe her mother would desecrate the graves of her dead sisters. That wasn’t the woman who held her, taught her to read, taught her to dance. That wasn’t her mother. 

“Father found out, he and Ben moved their bodies to grandmother’s property. Mother still doesn’t know. The final straw was months later. Markus and I got this great idea that we would come rescue you from the lighthouse.”

Andy smiled at the thought of the two young boys riding horses too big for them attempting to march on the circle. 

“Mother saw us planning and lost her mind. She took a whip off the wall and beat Markus and I bloody.”

“What!” Andy exclaimed, she searched her brother, not sure if she looked for scars or for the lies. Rodrick nodded, a pained look in his eyes. He rolled up his sleeves and showed her the faint scars on his arm. Andy followed his finger to the scar in his beard. No wonder he had grown it out. 

“Father stopped her, I had never seen him lose his temper, he threw mother against the wall, and took us all away from the house. Apparently he sought to get a divorce but great grandmother intervene.”

“Why?”

Rodrick shook his head, “You know great grandmother, great in deed, modest in temper. A divorce shows temper. And the prenup has mother getting a lot of money, and two thirds of every Chevalier horse in the past 20 years.”

Andy blinked hard, “That,” she couldn’t do the math, “Is a lot of gold.” 

Rodrick nodded, “Great grandmother wouldn’t have that. So she forced a second agreement. Mother gets Erick, Toby, and the estate. Father gets the stables and the rest of the property. He does pay alimony to keep her from getting involved in the horse trade.”

Andy could barely remember her great grandmother, but if she was anything like Great Aunt Betsey, she could understand no one arguing against the new deal, “So father isn’t handling very well?”

Rodrick gave a small shrug, “He took to the bottle, she took to the Maker.” 

Andy felt her shoulders slouch under this new information, “Maker!” she breathed, “I’m so sorry Rodrick. I didn’t know it was that bad.” 

Rodrick smiled to nothing, “So while Father deals with a dead marriage only held together by paper, he finds company in other women. From what I heard from Henrick and Vanessa; mother is a big contributor to the Chantry. The local Mother is often found visiting her.” 

“Maker’s breath,” Andy swore and shook her head, “All of this seemed so far away in the circle.” 

Rodrick nodded, “Andy,it doesn’t matter.” He turned in the saddle so she could see his face clearly, “What matters is you are here now. You are home.” 

Andy forced a smile and nodded. Now that she knew everything that had transpired since she was gone it sure didn’t feel like home. Her family's life fell apart all because she was a mage? Her mind drifted to what Van had said as she left, the circle hadn’t been home either. Where did she belong, when would she stop hurting people?

They rode the rest of the way in silence, Andy heavy with the new information. By the time they entered the city and made it to their great aunt’s apartment it was late morning. Apartment was a loose term, the building was the size of a city block. The Trevelyan family first came to power as bankers and lenders in Ostwick; the Trevelyan family now either owned or were the landlords of the entire city to some extent. It wasn't until later that their grandfather started breeding horses, and that started as a hobby before he ‘acquired’ several Qunari scouting horses and created the Free Marches Ranger. 

The new horse breed added to the wealth of the Trevelyans, but Great Aunt Betsey’s money came from the fact she owned the entire port. 

“Wow,” Rodrick said softly, “I swear it gets more intricate every year.” 

“Maker’s breath,” Andy swore again, “Old Trevelyan money, huh?”

Rodrick smirked but kept his comments to himself. They left the horses with the stable hands, were escorted to be cleaned up and found themselves in her library. Andy had vague memories of the apartment from her childhood. The paintings and carvings on the wall blurred in her memory. She couldn’t begin to guess their worth or how she got them. Rodrick examined a crystal king chess board while Andy was drawn to an excavated mural, if she had to guess it might be from the Dales. She had never seen elven art except in some books in the circle. 

“Elven, from Halamshiral. Had to get my hands on it before the Chantry tried to destroy it during their  _ exalted _ march. Bastards." 

The small old woman stormed into the library. Andy smiled as the door slammed behind her great aunt. She hadn’t changed a day since she had marched on Ostwick Circle. She was small, grey, with weathered wrinkles around her eyes and lips. But her eyes were bright green and sparkled with life. Betsey had an energy around her that just seemed electric and contagious that it was no wonder she had lived so long. She was just too ‘alive’ to die. 

“Didn’t you get cleaned up from the ride? You reek of horses.” Betsey barked as she hugged them and kissed Andy’s cheeks. 

“What is this?” she rubbed the faint tattoo under Andy’s eye with a boney thumb, as if it was dirt to get rubbed off.

“It’s nothing,” Andy started but Betsey had already pounced onto Rodrick. 

“A beard?” She snarled and tugged on a few whiskers, “You look like a wild man. Shave it off! You look like a Ferelden dog.” 

“Mabari are great dogs. Highly sought after.” Rodrick said with a grin. 

“They smell as bad as horses.” Betsey finished with a frown, she clapped her hands and gave a small wince at the arthritis, “Well, come. Let’s have tea.” she glanced around the library, “Knight to C8, check.” 

Rodrick smiled, “Templar to E2, checkmate.” 

Andy glanced back at the board and smiled, he was right. Betsey wrinkled her nose, “Fine, you can have biscuits as well.” 

For someone as old as she was, Andy was surprised by how sharp her mind was. She moved slow, age was merciless even though she seemed as quick witted as ever. She led them to the parlor room where a servant bowed as she sat down the tea between them. Andy watched as Betsey hands’ shook as she stirred her tea unsure where to start. 

“Great Aunt Betsey,” She said after their light conversation, “Besides coming to see you, I need your help again.” 

“Ah, yes,” the older woman agreed, “The end of the circles and the start of a brave new era. We will turn into Teventar, mark my words.” 

Andy hesitated, she didn’t want to start an argument but she was ready to. Betsey winked, “It’s fine Andriya, I will be dead, Maker willing, when that day comes. But you have always been more concerned about the Tranquil.” 

Andy hesitated for a split second before it fell out of her mouth, “Auntie, there’s a cure.” 

Andy thought she had killed her. Betsey froze and didn’t breath for a moment, “What did you say Andriya?”

“They think they found a cure.” Andy clarified, “It has...side effects. But with the circles dissolved no one is working on it.”

“Side effects?” she repeated.

Andy nodded, “We could end tranquility. It could be over. For so many, it could just a terrible nightmare. We can do research, we can fix it so it works. It can be over.”

Betsey drank her tea, and ate a cookie and poured more tea to cover her thoughts, she finally looked at Andy, her eyes hard, “When you approached me about moving tranquils from the circle I agreed in honor of my daughter,  _ your _ aunt.” Betsey shook her head and turned hard, “ As her mother, I can tell you, she would have been dangerous if she had not been tranquil. We Trevelyans have short tempers, she was no different. Our tempers leave bodies.” Betsey paused to let the truth sink in, “The rite of tranquility is important. Now, there is a cure, with side effects that cannot be researched. So instead of putting your energy into a cure that cannot be found right now. Let’s put your efforts to the tranquil you can help.”

Betsey leaned into Andy, “I will still support the Tranquil Network, but I won’t put a single copper into research for a cure.” 

Andy knew there was no argument to be had.There was a truth to what she said. Andy had to recognize that, even if she stubbornly refused to do so; there were dangerous people who had magic. Not everyone but some. Andy could feel Betsey’s eyes on her as she dealt with her own feelings. She copied her aunt and ate a cake and took a sip of her tea to focus her thoughts, “The network still needs you. Auntie, the mages….we started a war.”

Over the next half hour, Andy confessed what had happened at the circle since the vote, the templars who revoked the Chantry and were now determined to wipe out mages in their own exalted march. 

“They will march on the circles, and kill everyone. Including the tranquil.” 

Betsey wrinkled her nose again, “Templars, swords and balls.” she shook her head, “I have three tranquil who work for me. I can probably offer lodging, but I can’t hire them all.”

“Henrick and I will hire one.” Rodrick offered, “We need someone to manage the books. We have an extra room.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong Andriya,” Betsey started, it was very evident that she didn’t think she was wrong, “but the point of the Tranquil Network is to make sure they are not used as slave labor, abused in  _ any _ sense of the word, or mistreated.”

Rodrick held out his hands, “Auntie,” he reprimanded, “I’m not the only businessman who needs assistance of someone who isn’t going to doctor the books. That’s what I’m trying to explain to you.” 

Betsey glared between Andy and Rodrick, “No you’re not.” she agreed, “But not everyone is as bloody noble as you Rodrick, Maker forgive you.” 

“So we get a vetting system,” Andy suggested, “We will have non-tranquil and tranquil do monthly check-ins for a time. Then yearly after a probationary period?”

“Carefully Andriya,” Betsey warned, “This is becoming a legal thing.”

Andy winced, “Maybe,” she agreed, “But I was hoping to use resources that weren’t already tainted with the circle.”

Betsey was quiet for a moment, her eyes narrow as she searched her mind. Andy sighed, “I was thinking of using the Collective.” 

Betsey snorted into her tea, “And there it is. Why not use the Chantry, they’re the ones who made them tranquil in the first place?” 

“They are also the ones who allow abuse to occur.” Andy snapped. 

Betsey smiled, “And you think mages are pure of heart? We use both.” Betsey set down her cup with finality. She motioned for Rodrick to help her up, “But first we must find sponsors. And the best way to do that, is a ball.”

For one wild moment Andy thought she had made a joke. She smiled and shook her head, then realized she was serious. Andy’s eyes got wide as she envisioned the ball. She didn’t know anyone, she wasn’t a bard, she had a Trevelyan temper, and as Betsey had mentioned, she left bodies. Andy could only half hear Betsey talk about the ball, her mind too focused on everything that could go wrong. She took several deep breaths and turned her attention back to her great aunt, “I’m sorry?”

“I believe she is in the office today,” Betsey waved her hand to ignore Andy, “She will need some convincing, the money crunching bat. But she will agree in the end.” She winked at them, “She always does. It helps to be her only surviving daughter.” 

Andy turned to Rodrick as they stood up, “We aren’t…”

Rodrick seemed pale, he rubbed his beard as if he suddenly wished he had shaved it off, “We are.” 

“Right now?” Andy wished she knew what to say to change Betsey’s mind, but the older woman was already in the midst of orders for her servants. 

“No time like present. And when she sees her income, she’s more likely to agree to whims.” Betsey marched down the hall, Andy and Rodrick swallowed hard. They had no desire to see Great Grandmother Evelyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry about the wait! I've had the rough drafts done for ages! But then I started working on Anthem...and I got distracted. I don't write in order, so I have lots of chucks done...but they don't happen for a while. However there should be several chapters posted all at once.


	7. A Trevelyan Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's family throws a party!

There was a reason Great Grandmother hated balls, the family never spared a penny when it came time for balls. The Trevelyans knew how to throw a party. Everyone was invited, and if they weren’t invited they were there as guests of the invited. There was more food than Andy had seen in her life, more people in one area than she knew what to do with, and every person was dressed like royalty. The last ball she had been to, she had been a child but now that she could understand everything that happened, it didn’t seem real. The Grand Ballroom was decorated with gold and white streamers, two bands rotated numbers while numerous guests danced in practiced steps. 

Those that were tired of dancing, wandered in small groups around the two gardens, just outside the opened hallway. Every alcove of the gardens had lit candles or lanterns, it looked like wisps were fluttering around. A minstrel wandered about, strumming gently on his lute, Andy was willing to bet he had been hired by Great Grandmother to make sure no lovers met secretly in the garden. 

Across from the fountains the dining room, sitting room, and grand hallway were open as well. Similar streamers hung from the eaves, as another small band strummed for dining music. Servants swung between the areas, always a platter full of food or drinks. If Andy hadn't been helping create this night for the last two weeks, she would think it was magic that brought it all together; not all the people involved. 

The strangest part for all of this was how successful it appeared the tranquil network was. Andy spent most of her time speaking with members of the Mage Collective, merchants from Antiva and other cities across the Free Marches, and even a ship commander from Rivina. All of them seem to associate the success of the ball with the use of Tranquil. Andy struggled to use the edict drilled into her without giving in to everyone’s wishes. Just when she would start to feel overwhelmed or manipulated Great Aunt Betsey would swing in for the rescue. 

It was one of those rescues that after she bowed out of the conversation, Andy crossed the room as quickly as she dared. She knew she was breaking all kinds of edicts but she could care less. Her mind whirled incoherently as she repeated the last conversation in her head. Her hand shook slightly as she took a glass of wine from one of the servants. She took a long sip and leaned against a wall. 

There was a part of her that wondered if she was doing the right thing. Several of the merchants she had spoken with made her feel like she was dealing with slaves. They seemed eager to get ‘free’ labor. They would wave their hands whenever she mentioned a vetting system or stipends for the tranquil. 

Andy looked down surprised, she had finished her wine. She reached for a second, her fingers clung to the stem like a lifeline. She couldn’t risk much more, she had to keep her wits about her, several members of the mage collective wanted to speak with her and Betsey about who all would be included in the probation inspections. A wealthy merchant from Starkhaven had caught her after an early meeting with questions about Tranquil lodgings and stipends. 

“Miss? The whores belong two doors down from the kitchen.” 

Andy spun on her heel, her hand balled into a fist, “Markus!” she hissed. Andy couldn’t hit him here and Markus knew it. He laughed, his templar armor gleaming. 

“I will get my revenge.” she growled with a huff. She looked down at herself, “It is too revealing isn’t it?”

“For my sister it is.” 

“It explains several of the propositions I’ve gotten tonight. Maybe that’s why Aunt Betsey chose it.” Andy twisted her side in hopes to shift the corset to a more comfortable position. 

“That,” Markus agreed, his eyes narrowed as he looked over the ballroom, “and now that the circles are dissolved, you are the only female of the Trevellyan family at a marriageable age.” 

Andy nearly dropped her wine glass, she glanced up at her brother to make sure he was serious. He was right, she searched the room again, she could see Rodrick near the garden gate. He was in a deep conversation with several lords, every few minutes he would rub his clean shaven face. 

“Why aren’t they talking to Rodrick?” Andy challenged in hopes that Markus was wrong. 

“Oh, they are.” Markus motioned to a group of women watching Rodrick from a table. Andy couldn’t help but smile at the vision of vultures about to swoop on a kill, “That poor man.” 

Andy laughed and smiled, “And you’re married to the Chantry. So that leaves just me.” 

“Oh...I wouldn’t say I was  _ married _ to the Chantry. And besides, with no mages to protect, I kind of feel that I can open up that relationship.” Markus nodded to a woman over in the corner, “I think her.”

Andy rolled her eyes, “That is a whore. I overheard the several servants saying a few women who were hired work nights at  _ The Dove _ .” 

Andy watched Markus give a small wince, she smiled mischievously, “Do you recognize her now?”

“No, but father certainly does.” 

Andy followed his gaze and groaned. Their father was drunk with several other lords, “I’ll go find Henrick.” She glared back at her brother, “Count yourself lucky. I was about to make you dance with me.”

Andy placed her untouched wine glass on a nearby table, she struggled as she moved through the hall, she couldn’t find Henrick anywhere. It didn’t help that she was stopped with nearly every step. Markus had been right, she was on the menu, and every single male wanted a piece of the Trevelyan name. The weeks before the ball Aunt Betsey had installed manners, proper edicit, and an extremely long list of names of people she should know. 

When Andy had successfully navigated herself around Ostwick’s youngest Navy commander, Aunt Betsey appeared and pulled her into the promised conversation with the mage collective. The conversation turned into another meeting, which Andy somehow directed into her aunt’s office. Betsey gave her a small nod of recognition as they entered the private room. 

“Bold in deed my nephew should be proud.” She whispered as she waved for a Tranquil to follow them into the room. 

It felt like hours passed in that office. The poor tranquil had to rewrite the agreement twice, but it was signed by all parties. The mage collective representatives bowed gracefully and kissed Andy’s hand longer than tradition allowed, but at least it was finished. 

Andy found her way back to the wine, where Henrick stood alone. He smiled at her, “Andy, you look beautiful.”

Andy smiled her gratitude, “Markus says I look like a whore.” 

“That sounds like Markus.”

She leaned against her brother, relief flooded her veins now that she found someone safe to be with, “Where’s Vanessa?”

“Oh she and Nathan left already. He was getting fussy, and I only stayed to finalize a breeding agreement. Speak of...how are all of your agreements going.”

Andy shrugged, she wished they had stayed, at least she could have convinced Nathan to dance with her, “I didn’t realize balls were so much work. But the mage collective is happy. And the few Tranquil Network members I could meet with reluctantly accept the terms.”

“And the Chantry?”

“If it works they’ll put their name on it.” Andy tried to add confidence to her voice. She couldn’t hear it so she knew Henrick couldn’t either, “I don’t even know why they are here.” Andy confessed quietly, “When the Mother of Ostwick Chantry spoke with Great Grandmother she complained that the Trevelyans were using their gold to cover the deeds of an apostate.The Chantry will care for the tranquil as they always had.”

Henrick took a deep swig of his drink and gave a wince, “I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that.” 

Andy chuckled, “Be grateful, honestly Henrick, I think the Maker is afraid of Great Grandmother. That’s why she hasn’t died. She tore into the Mother, listing numerous crimes that the Chantry had ignored, and then she listed all the debts the Chantry had to the city of Ostwick--- which means debts to Great Grandmother. I have spent my life in the Circle, but I have never seen Templars cower as they did before Great Grandmother.”

Henrick chuckled. They two were quiet for a moment before Andy decided to risk it. He was her brother after all, he couldn’t say no. 

“Henrick, will you dance--”

“Lord Trevelyan?” A voice interrupted her. They turned to greet an Orlesian, a silver mask across his brow, who gave a deep bow. Andy and her brother returned the greeting but she could already tell where the conversation was going. 

She bowed out with the grace her Great Aunt had hammered into her and made her way across the hall. Andy sighed heavily and looked out to the dance floor. It was starting to end, there were fewer dancers, and more of the wealthy were gathering by the door to wait for their carriages. Tomorrow she would have to send word to the circles, the collective, and every major city about the evolution of the Tranquil Network. It seemed she wouldn’t get her dance. 

Her mind started to make a list of everything she needed to accomplish now that contacts have been made. 

“Pardon me miss?”

Andy spun, surprised to see a dark hair young boy next to her. He couldn’t be more than eighteen, he had dark hair and big brown eyes. He seemed surprised that she turned to him. He looked behind him and then back at her. He stumbled into a bow, “Pardon me, Miss?”

“Andriya, young lord,” She answered with a curtsey.

He cleared his throat and went to rub his head but stopped, “Lady Andriya,” his face was turning red, “I was wondering...I mean...umm…” he seemed to realize she was confused. He gave a deep breath, “Look, my brother and I have a bet of asking the most beautiful woman at the ball to dance. So I was wondering if you would dance with me?”

Andy felt her face turn red, “You wish me to dance with you?” 

“Umm...that’s if you want to?” He motioned over to the hallway, “You don’t have to, but if we walk to the ballroom I think we can trick him?”

Andy chuckled, “What did you bet?” she couldn’t see anyone over by the hallway.

“Don’t look, then he’ll know I told you!” He took her hand and led her to the dance floor, “Chores for the week.” 

“Oh, in that case. I would be delighted to dance.” Andy chuckled. The young man looked familiar, she must have seen his portrait somewhere, “You’re name my lord?”

The boy’s face turned, if at all possible, more red, “Right, I forgot. I am Tobin Trevelyan of Ostwick.” 

Andy felt her heart stop, she suddenly felt eyes on the back of her neck. Slowly she turned back to the hall behind her. 

Lady Annette Trevelyan stared back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally there was going to be some stuff going on. But then I realized if I did everything now...what would we do during Inquisition? That means, we will get the full dirty later!


	8. Rebel Mages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy runs away from one problem only to find more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of the frying pan into the fire for little Andriya Trevelyan. She's always been a survivor, but now her great aunts warning about 'leaving bodies' is starting to get to her.

Andy wiped the sweat from her forehead as she finished the last wire for the fence. She looked across the valley pleased with her works. After her Great Aunt’s ball, it was nice to work on something as simple as a fence. 

The ball had been anything but simple, she still wasn’t sure how she made it home afterwards. The look on her mother’s face from across the hall had joined every nightmare she had now. 

Andy moved down to the next post to tighten the wires there. After Henrick and Rodrick had pushed her out of the ball, and after they finally told her the truth; Andy had wanted to run. She had never felt so betrayed in her life. 

That wasn’t the right word, she realized, she didn’t feel betrayed; she felt like she had betrayed  _ them _ . Because of what she was. If she could change and be something else, she would; but she couldn’t. She was Andriya Trevelyan: Mage. 

Andy gathered up her tools and slowly started down the road back to the stables. She had planned to stay with her brothers. Maybe stay at the hunting cabin but after the ball she couldn’t risk their safety any longer. She was a danger to them if she stayed. She had to keep them safe. She would go back to the Circle, run the network from there. And once the mages figured out...whatever the plan was next...she would go there. She smiled to herself in thought, maybe she could use the Tranquil Network to find a place to live?

Andy dusted off her pants, she had seen the blur on the horizon earlier but now she realized it was a rider, racing at breakneck speed towards here. A messenger, perhaps? She waited for him to pass her, it was likely he would run her over if she wasn’t careful. 

“Andy!” Markus cried out, dismounting quickly, “You have to go! You have to run!”

Andy studied her brother, he had a bruise forming over his eye, blood from his ear, “Markus, you’re hurt!” 

“No time, you gotta go.” He looked behind him, his horse stained white from sweat, “Templars, crazy ones. Mother told them. You have to go.”

Andy struggled to keep up with her brother. What did their mother have to do with this, “Mother?” She repeated, she shook her head as panic started to rise in her chest, “Markus, what’s happening?”

Markus froze and stared at her, “You don’t want to know. ” He shook his head and pulled her to his horse, “There’s no time. They are going to kill you, Andriya. You have to run. Now. I spooked their horses, but they will be here soon.”

Markus pushed onto his horse, he kissed the animal's cheek and looked behind, “I’m sorry Andy, I thought I could protect you.”

“Markus, I don’t understand!” 

Everything was moving too fast, templars were coming to kill her? Why? What did her mother do? Why was Markus hurt? How did she mounted his horse? She shook her head and tried to dismount but Markus pushed her back on the horse, he grabbed her arm and forced her to grab his forearm. 

“Burn me!”

A rock fell into her stomach, “No.” 

How could her mother do this? Burn Markus? Templars were here, after her. How could they know about her? 

“Andryia!” Markus pulled her closer to him, he captured her face in his hands as he kissed both her cheeks, “I love you little sister. You have to do this. Make it look like we fought. They won’t realize I helped you.”

Andy stared at the templar sword on his chest plate. The world was upside down and backwards. She looked at the sky, maybe she was in the fade, “I can’t.” she whispered. She could feel tears in her eyes now. She had just decided to leave to keep her family safe but not like this. Now they needed her, she had to fight for them. Protect them. 

“Andryia Marie Trevelyan. I love you. They will know something is wrong if I’m unhurt!”

“Markus, I cannot hurt you. I promised. I promised!” She was sobbing now, “I won’t!”

“It’ll be okay,” gently Markus laid her hand over his forearm, “You can do it Andy.”

“I can’t!” She was hiccuping now, “I can’t hurt you Markus. I love you. Don’t make me. Please, don’t do this. I can stop them. I won’t let them.”

“If you kill them, more will come. They will go after you again and again, then Rodrick, then Henrick, than father. They won’t ask questions. Andy.”

She shook her head, Markus wouldn’t let her hand off his arm, She looked up and could see more dust rising.

“Andy,” she had never heard her brother’s voice sound like this before, “It’s okay. It will be okay. I promise. You’re not breaking your promise to me. Please. For Henrick, for Father. For Rodrick. Andy.”

Everything she wanted to say she couldn’t say. Her throat constricted, panic was upsetting the horse under her. Andy stared at her brother and released some of her power. She screamed with him. 

“Go! Andy, go!” He clung to his burned armed. Andy couldn’t see him through her tears. The horse panicked at the smell. Andy let it go. She felt sick. 

The poor animal sprinted away from Markus, blind with panic. Andy fought herself and the creature, trying to find some measure of control. She had left her staff at the old hunting cabin on the other side of the lake. She half directed the horse to the foot trail but the creature was mostly in panic. Andy held on for dear life as the animal sprinted, branches cut into her arms and face as they raced by. Andy reached for her will, she pushed it into the horse, calming the animal’s spirit enough to get it to slow down. She wasn’t far from the cabin but there was no telling how far away the templars were. 

Andy half dismounted, half jumped from Markus’s horse. The mare danced away, uncomfortable from the movement but Andy didn’t bother to comfort her. She reached out with her will for the floorboards, the wood flew into the air as kindling as she dug out her staff. She took a deep breath and stepped out of the cabin. She knelt down to the ground, pushed her will into the dirt before she stood up. 

The mare glared at her, she had linked Andy to the smell of burned flesh, tears, and now a terrible rider. Andy nodded her understanding to the creature, “I’m sorry,” she confessed but the mare snorted her doubts. 

Andy went back into the cabin,. She gathered her stored potions and gear she had hidden in the rafters. For a moment, Andy hesitated. She closed her eyes and wished hopelessly for more time. She wasn’t ready for this dream to end. She wanted to stay with her brothers, she wanted to watch Nathan grow, she wanted to help the Tranquil Network here. She stepped out again, the two templars had dismounted and had their weapons drawn. 

Andy gripped her staff, “No.” she told them firmly, “You have no power over me.” 

One of them shook his head, “Oh, but we do. You attacked a member of our order. You have to face justice.” 

Andy gritted her teeth and the words hurt her throat, “He tried to stop me. I am not an apostate.”

“Yes you are. A mage is an apostate. It is our sacred duty to end all apostates before they hurt someone else.”

Andy gritted her teeth, “Try it.” 

She could feel them start to use the lyrium in their system but the first step they took ended any chance of battle. The paralysis glyph blinked to light as they stepped into it. Both men fell to the ground eyes wide as they stared up into the sky. 

She checked both of them quickly, she took their swords and threw them into the lake, “I’m sorry.” She told one of them, “It should lift in a few hours. She gently closed his eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

Andy remounted the gray, who reminded Andy exactly what she thought of her as she tried to nip her.

“I know,” Andy led the horse north, she let the animal choose the route, she couldn’t think. She didn’t want to think, to feel, she wanted to be empty just for a moment. 

Andriya realized she had completely zoned out around twilight. She wasn't even sure where she was, she slowed Markus’s mare as she searched the forest around them. She had been so distraught when she fled the old hunting cabin that she hadn't realized how far they had traveled. She stood in the stirrups, her mind determined to recognize anything. She must have headed north from the lakeside. Andy frowned, and turned the grey west, maybe they would loop through the farmlands of the west and back to the road south of Ostwick. She could then get back to the main road and to the lighthouse. 

Once she got back to the circle she could write to Great Aunt Betsey and Great Grandmother. They would be able to protect everyone from her mother. She could still see her mother’s face go from happiness, to recognition, to fear, and end with hate. If only they had a moment together, she could explain things to her mother, help her see her daughter again. But how could Andy undo a lifetime of hate with just a few words? 

Andy shook her head and blinked back tears, she wouldn’t let the old hurt reopen here. She had things to do. The Tranquil Network, her family. 

"Come on, Grey," she sighed, "Let's take the long way."

The mare tossed her head in annoyance but still let Andy lead her to the west. It was peaceful, just the two of them. Andy focused on the area around them, determined to find a safe haven to rest for the night. It took her a moment to realize she sensed magic around her. 

Andy jerked upright as she looked through the forest. She put up her arcane shield, half expecting a blast of fire to burst near her. She could hardly see with the dim light but she knew what she felt. 

“I know you’re there!” She barked, she spun the grey in a circle, “Show yourself!”

Andy still couldn’t see anyone, she decided to risk it, “I am Andriya Trevelyan of Ostwick Circle. Show yourself and I will not harm you!”

A small face peaked around a tree, “Andy?” 

Andy thought she might fall off her horse, “Bran?” The last time she had seen the young apprentice was the night of the vote, “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged but hugged her as she dismounted. She returned the hug as she looked around at several other mages from Ostwick Circle stepping out of the underbrush. 

“I missed you Andy.”

“I missed you too, Bran.” 

“We’re camped over there.” He pointed over her shoulder, without asking he grabbed her hand and led her toward the camp. 

She couldn’t help but smile, and allowed him to lead her with the rest. She looked over at one of the mages, “What are you doing out here?”

The elf opened her mouth to respond but someone interrupted.

“Andriya.” 

Andy felt her stomach drop, she hadn’t thought about Van for a long time. And now she was ashamed to admit it. She could tell by his voice that he had thought about her. 

Van wrapped her in a hug that she felt obligated to return. She knew he would try to kiss her. But she couldn’t. Not in front of everyone, she tilted her head so he could only kiss her cheek. She hated that she did that but they needed to be alone. 

She was surprised that Van didn’t seem to realize how uncomfortable she was, he smiled at her, his brown hair overgrown and shaggy around his face, “What are you doing here?”

Andy studied the camp, surprised by the number of mages and apprentices around them, “Going back...what are you all doing?”

Van took her by the hand, “Whatever we want! We left the circle.” He looked so happy that Andy was at a loss for words, “Why are you going back?”

Andy hesitated, something inside of her was screaming at her to run, she wasn’t safe, “The Tranquil Network.” 

Van waved a hand to pass it away, “Diana got your letter, half of them got new jobs. You should come with us!”

“Where are you going?”

Van shrugged, “Redcliffe, maybe? Or Starkhaven. It doesn’t matter. We can go anywhere!”

Andy shivered at his excitement, “But there are templars?”

“They can try to stop us,” said an older familiar voice, “We will show them that we aren’t as weak as they would like to think.” 

Andy looked up surprised at her old mentor, “Enchanter Edward?”

He held out his arms for her to hug him. She looked between him and Van for a moment. Both seemed to have this wild look to them, she wasn’t sure if it was comforting or terrifying. 

Van guided her to the campfire, “Are you hungry? We have food?”

Andy opened her mouth to protest but she wasn’t given the chance. She looked around, over a dozen people from the circle were mulling around the camp. She only recognized a couple of them. Her eyes went back to Edward, she couldn’t believe he was here. She was so sure he would always be in the circle, neck deep in research. But here he was, across from the fire, a big smile on his face as he chatted with a high ranking enchanter. 

There was a strange grinding sound in the back of her mind. Her instincts were screaming at her to run. As lovely as everything seemed, there was something wrong here. She looked carefully at everyone around her, someone here was dangerous. But she didn’t know who and it was about to drive her mad. To make matters worse, Van always seemed to have a hand on her; on her shoulder, on her knee, or on the small of her back. She wanted to scream at him to let her go but she swallowed her tongue. She wanted to leave, ride away and never return. 

Andy pulled herself from her thoughts and back to the situation at hand, an older mage, Stibbens was telling a story about how the templars dragged a young boy out of his bed and killed him. Andy frowned, she had heard that story before, but told in this way she couldn’t help but wonder if Stibbens was adding flavor. 

“The Templars do that,” agreed Enchanter Edward, “They bury things that give them a negative light. Look at Andriya here.” 

Andy felt like she had been burned, “Excuse me?”

“Your Harrowing? That has to be a Templar secret.” 

Andy could feel everyone’s eyes on her now. She looked around, wondering if there was any way to get out of the situation, “I--I don’t know what you mean.” 

Edward snorted, “Stop hiding Templar secrets! You were the only Harrowing for a year! No one speaks about it still! We spent weeks studying fade barriers. So what happened?”

Andy stood up, “Nothing. Nothing happened. It was my Harrowing and it was horrible. And I never...never want to speak of it!” 

“You don’t?” Edward looked surprised, “Aren’t you proud of it? You defeated demons, you should tell the world!”

“No.” Andy snarled. She wanted Edward to stop. Instead he smirked and shook his head. 

“If you won’t tell them, let me deduce; you fought a different demon then you were supposed to. Maybe demons broke through the barrier? Or you broke the barrier?” Edward drummed his fingers across his mouth, “Ah, I know, A demon snuck in through our barriers without leaving a trace, outsmarted everyone involved and nearly killed you. But you somehow were able to get out of fade long enough to touch lyrium and go back into the fade, release the power there and escape. Without harming anyone in the living world and showing no side effects from raw lyrium contact.” 

Andy felt sick, she didn’t know what to say, how did he know. 

Edward chuckled, “The only mage in a lifetime to awake during a Harrowing? You are far more powerful than we give you credit for. The templars couldn’t admit that you were powerful enough to step out of the fade...what would the Seekers think if there was a mage like that at Ostwick? And the mages...well...that’s a call for the Rite of Annulment right there. So what to do, what to do?”

He was mocking her now. Andy rose to her feet, she was shaking, “That’s not what happened.”

Edward raised an eyebrow, Andy realized everyone was watching, “Oh it’s not? Then enlighten me.” 

“No.” Andy spun on her heel and left the fire. She didn’t know what to say, there was no lie she could add. No one knew about her Harrowing. No one knew about the Sloth demon. She didn’t tell anyone. She had lied, told them it was Pride and everyone seemed to believe her. She was the best in her classes...it fit. 

“Andy wait!” Van jogged behind her. 

“Van, don’t.”

He caught her arm and pulled her to a stop past the tents of the camp. The lawless joy was gone, and his brow furrowed with concern, “Hey, are you okay?”

“I just don’t want to talk about it!” 

“We don’t have to.” 

Andy sighed and hung her head, it was more than just her Harrowing. She looked up at Van, it was him. He wanted something from her that she couldn’t give him. She wanted to, she should, he was a good guy. But she couldn’t. 

“I’ve missed you?” Van offered helplessly. 

She sighed with defeat, “I missed you too.” she said automatically. She flew her hands in the air, “It was really scary and I didn’t think it was going to end. I thought I was going to die in the Fade.”

“But you didn’t.” Van struggled to keep up with her. Slowly they sat down on a log. They were silent for a moment before he asked, “Is that...is that what happened?”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it.” 

“Right.” 

The silence weighed on her, “Yes.”

He hesitated, “Andy, you’re not...are you?”

Andy snorted with laughter, “What? Maker, no. Of course not.” she shook her head, “The demons...they wanted something from me. Something I couldn’t give them.” 

Van pulled away from Andy , he slouched and turned his attention to the woods around them, “Kind of like me?”

“No!” She winced as she said that, “With you….I’m…”

“No, I get it.” Van shrugged as he struggled to get his thoughts and emotions in check, “Things are kinda crazy right now...we’ve been through some things now...and…” 

Andy hung her head, she could feel shame burn in her face, “No Van! That’s not it. I’m just...not ready.” 

Van looked at his hands, “And when you are? What chance do I have?”

Andy stared at her hands, “I liked it better when we were friends.” She whispered

Van hung his head, “I don’t think I can go back to that.” 

They were silent again. Andy’s chest ached, her mind was screaming at her to run, she couldn’t do this right now, “Look Van, relieving my Harrowing...and after everything...I can’t talk about this. And there this...I don’t know-- _ feeling _ in the air--- it feels like---I don’t know…” She stood up and threw her hands in frustration. 

“What did you say once? Some things fall---”

Andy looked back at him, confused by the stain growing across his stomach, for a wild moment she thought she had spilled something across his shirt before she realized what she was seeing. Van looked as shocked by it as well. He looked down and back at her. Andy stumbled back, already reaching for her will. 

Van crumbled to the ground as a young woman stepped from the shadows. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes, Andy gasped as she slowly remembered, it was Grant’s girlfriend. Anna or something. 

Anna looked down at Van’s body and then back to Andy, “Some things fall apart.” she finished. There was something wrong with her voice, there was power in it. 

“Sloth isn’t the only one who wants what you have...I will give you what you’ve always wanted for the rest.” 

Andy stumbled back, “Get away from me!” 

“Your mother’s love. Her acceptance.” The demon promised, “What would you give to have her kiss your cheeks again?” The voice changed, and Andy could hear her mother’s voice, “Give me what I want.”

Andy stumbled as she took a second step back, the demon lunged forward, Anna’s fingers turned to claws. If Andy hadn’t fallen, she would have been killed. She cast a ward of repulsion, sending Anna/demon into a tent. 

The creature crawled out, transforming from Anna to something else. Anna’s arms cracked as they grew past her knees, she screamed as she hunched over, her shoulders growing larger and larger. Anna howled with power, her lower jaw locked forward, her teeth elogated into fangs. Andy trembled as she stared at the abomination that had once been a simple blonde elf. She had to fight it, Andy clapped her hands together, trying to draw energy from the air around them. Lightning danced around the creature but it did nothing to slow it. 

The camp erupted in screams as the rebels raced away. Several stood up and tried to cast spells but nothing seemed to slow it. The abomination roared, “Andriya! Give me what I want!” 

Andy realized she had lost her staff, she must have left it somewhere, she drew her hands together and apart, lightning between her fingers, She tried to circle the creature, pushing the energy at the creature. It roared in frustration. 

“Andriya!” Edward was next to her, a staff in his hand, “What is it?”

Andy shook her head, “Not sure, desire maybe?”

Edward nodded, he thrust his staff into the air and the flash that followed nearly blinded her. “Get out of here, quickly!” Edward commanded the rebels. 

The abomination grabbed one of the students that was stumbling away and threw him into a tree, with a wave of its hand, the body of the broken student rose up. 

Edward dropped his staff to the ground, the entire earth started to tremble, Andy couldn’t stand. 

“Get out of here!” Edward ordered, “I’ll handle this!”

“It’s after me!” 

“I told you to go!”

Andy ignored him, she called more lightning from the sky, the risen dead helpless on the ground from the shaking earth and the bolts of energy tearing it apart. The demon swung at her, Andy ducked, stumbled back, and tripped over Van. 

She stared down at his body, the reality of the situation hit her. He was dead, because of her. Her secrets killed him. Her secrets killed the templar, the tranquil, and now Van. She had murdered him. If she had told the truth, if she had accepted the consequences of her actions...he would still be alive. If she had  _ done _ something, Van would be standing here. Instead she had done nothing. 

_ That’s right. And you will continue to do nothing. Give me what I want. Let me in. Let’s end this. _

Andy stood up, she watched as Edward swung his staff around his hip, bolts of ice slowed the abomination, weighing down it’s limbs. The creature roared in frustration and seemed to grow, breaking out of its ice prison. 

“Enough.” growled Edward, he dropped his staff and drew a knife from his side. Andy lifted up her hand, she could end this. She could tell the demon and it would leave. 

_ Tell me. _

Her voice stayed in her throat. Edward’s blood formed around his wrists and dropped to the ground, and could feel the power radiate from him. Andy didn’t know what to do. She looked down at Van, another one of her victims and ran. 

It was so dark, Andy wasn’t sure where she was going. The forest seemed to want to slow her down, branches cut into her skin, brambles tangled in her pants and tripped her. 

Sloth screamed in her mind, but she couldn’t hear him, she couldn’t hear her own voice of reason. All she could picture was Van as his heart broke. She had killed him, another dead because of her. How many more? 

“Easy there girl!” 

Andy crashed into a wall and fell to the ground, she screamed and brought her hand up to protect her face. It took only a second to realize that forgetting to cast a spell probably saved her life. She had stumbled into a group of templars. 

There were six of them, their armor darken with charcoal but still the sword seemed to glow on their chest plates. Andy studied them for a split second, she half expected them to turn into abominations at any moment. 

“You’re alright, you’re alright.” One of them soothed, he had a pipe in his mouth, and grey hair in his beard. His eyes looked tired as he studied her, “It’s over now. It’s over.” 

She realized she was shaking her head. She had fallen straight from the frying pan and into the fire. There was no way out of this. 

_ I can get you out of this. I can help you. Let me in. LET ME IN! _

One of the other templars approached as well, “She’s covered in blood--”

“Blood magic.”

“Look at her, she’s a farm girl!”

“Could be an abomination.”

“She doesn’t have a staff--girl, are you wounded?”

“Doesn’t mean she’s not.” 

“What happened girl?”

“Enough!” The older one said sharply, the rest were silent, “She’s terrified.” 

Andy realized she was crying now, she didn’t know what to do. Anything she said would just make it worse. They would kill her. She was going to die. 

_ Not until I get what I want. _

Andy pointed in the direction she came, “There...was...a monster.” Suddenly she realized she was covered in Van’s blood, without thinking she tried to rub it off, how was it supposed to come out? 

The older templar stopped her hands, “It’s okay. Tell us what happened. We will stop it.”

“They were nice.” Andy whispered, “They brought me to their camp and then...then one of them turned into a monster.”

“Apostates.” A different templar growled, he put on his helmet, he seemed to grow taller. 

“Might be the ones we’ve been chasing?” Another offered. 

“You’re okay.” The older one ignored them, his blue eyes stayed focused on Andy, “It’s all over now. We are templars. We will stop this monster.” 

She caught his hand before he stood up, “One of them, he tried to save me. But then he cut his arm and...and I ran.” 

Another templar groaned, “Maker’s balls. Blood mages.” 

“Thom, stay here, keep an eye on her.” The older one stood up and rolled his shoulders, “Let’s go men. Move out.” 

Andy and a young golden hair man watched the rest of the templars march slowly up the hill. Gently he picked her up and led her to the fire, “There you are. Safe and sound. No more monsters.” 

Andy could only nod, she could hear the laughter in Sloth’s voice as he whispered into her mind. 

_ Oh yes, there’s one more monster you forgot to warn them about. You. _

Andy stared at the fire, her grief was more than tears now. Van was dead. He was here and now he was gone forever. Because of her. She looked back toward the Mage camp, and now the templars would be gone forever as well. She looked across the fire to the last templar. He wasn’t watching her, his attention was focused on the hillside. How long before he figured it out? How long before he guessed that she was a mage? 

He wasn’t wearing his helmet. At least that would make it easier. She picked up the rock next to the fire and silently stepped up behind him. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious and bleeding. For a moment she hesitated, she could just leave him like this. They wouldn’t hunt her if they thought she was just a thief or a criminal. But if she healed him, stopped the bleeding, would they ever stop hunting her? He could just be another dead man in her path. How many more would there be? 

“Great in deed. Modest in temper.” She whispered to herself, trying to remind herself who she was. She was a Trevelyan. She created the Tranquil Network. She would heal this man; in honor of Van, in honor of Winston, and in honor of Timson. Andy carefully laid the templar's head on her lap, as she cleaned the wound the best she could. She pushed out some of her will, the swelling went down and his skin healed. He was still unconscious but he wouldn’t die. 

Andy stumbled to the horses still tied near the camp. She mounted one and rode away without looking back. She wanted to go home. But she had no home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a reason Despair demons were part of Andy's Harrowing. She does find herself overwhelmed by it often. It's a constant fight for her. This is all setting up for Dragon Age Inquisition! Here she is dealing with everything, and in Inquisition I really want her to face her demons (literally!).

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
